Has Ms. Perfect-for-You been elusive? Are you still searching for Mr. Right? Use these questions as a quick guide when deciding if a possible match is the right one.

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Recently, I was beginning a coaching program with a very curious and eager male client. He explained that he wanted to learn more about the following questions to be more adept in dating and romance.

1.) How do I know if I am truly in love with someone?

2.) When is it the right time to fall in love? 

3.) How do I choose the right type of person for me? 

I applaud him for being willing to ask these questions in the first place. They are excellent questions. That he is even curious and interested in exploring this type of question at all means that he wants to choose a healthy person to be with because it didn’t go that way in the past. 

How often have we picked the wrong person for us? How often have we stayed too long when we should have left earlier? How many times have we tried to force something when it really wasn’t there, but we hoped for the best? How often were we hoping that the person would change? I did that when I was dating! Does anyone else find this situation familiar? 

On to his questions, which are brilliant. Though I wish I had the answers, I really don’t. What I do have are some questions that can help guide you to that special person. Guide you into the arms of that person who will have your best interests at heart. Guide your heart to love. Guide you to that person you can trust, lean on and consider someone to share your life with so you do not repeat past mistakes. None of us wants to repeat those old mistakes. For these reasons, it is important to take this seriously. 

People are over-busy these days, and they do not have the time, money and emotional energy to waste. Dating can be a drain, if you let it. Are you one of those extremely busy people who is out there dating? Do you deeply desire to be with someone great? Do you want to escape the dating jungle and be in a healthy relationship? Then consider these questions to help with your “picker” and selection process. 

10 Questions to Ask Yourself When Selecting Your Healthy Partner:

1. Is my life better with this person in it?

When I was single, I would jump at the chance to be in a relationship if someone liked me. Often, my life went skidding downhill. So, see if your life is better with this new person is in it versus jumping at the chance to be in a relationship. It’s time well spent.

2. Does this person make me happier?

We’re always striving to be happy, which is a great thing; and it is up to us as individuals to be happy. But, it’s critical to be aware and ask ourselves, does this person consciously try to make me happier? Does this person enjoy going above and beyond to ensure I’m pleased and satisfied? My husband is amazing. He makes it like his job to ensure his wife is happier. Find yourself one of those partners, and you won’t be disappointed. 

3. Does this person add value to my life?

If you’ve worked hard to get where you’re at in life, the last thing you want is someone to drag you back down. See if this person enhances your life. My husband is a technology guru and the best travel planner I know. This adds tremendous value my life, and in ways I didn’t even know it would. I am fun and playful, so I add those qualities to his life. Make sense?

4. For the most part, does being with this person feel easy, light and good? 

I’ve been in exhausting relationships before, and I will never do that again. We all understand that disagreements are inevitable, but for the most part, does this person feel good to be around? 

5. Do I enjoy spending time with this person?

I am very protective of my time and who I spend it with. Your time is one of the most precious assets you have—don’t take it lightly. Is this person someone you like spending time with? Is this person worthy of my free time? Covet your time and use it wisely.

6. Is this person’s energy good for me?

Some people have a good energy and you’re instantly drawn towards them; and other people have an energy that is negative. Are you pulled towards this person’s positive energy and zest for life, or are you trying to change someone? If the later, move on, and meet someone who you respect and appreciate. 

7. Is this person safe to communicate with?

Communication is a massive part of any relationship and something not to take lightly when entering into a relationship. Consider, is this person someone who I tell anything too? Will this person listen to me and allow me to feel heard? Is my opinion taken into consideration and understood? You are looking for a healthy life partner, and this one is a biggie! 

8. Do I like who I am when I’m with this person?

I was in a few relationships in the past where I did not like who I was when I was in the relationship. It’s a big sign that this person may not be healthy for us. And, yes we are all responsible for our behavior. Absolutely. My point is, look to see if you have the opportunity to become a better person inside of this relationship.

9. Does this feel like a healthy partnership?

Most of us have had an unhealthy relationship in the past, and it’s important to spot. If you’re not sure what a healthy relationship is, do some research on the internet or work with a dating coach. Hang out with couples who do have a healthy relationship. If you understand what a healthy and fulfilling relationship is and feels like, so you can be sure you are entering into a healthy one, instead of being misled. 

10. Does this person listen to me, and is mutual respect present?

As I mentioned above, listening is one of the skills that I have honed over the years with lots of practice. Sometimes, it’s still not easy; however, it’s such a beautiful thing when you can fully hear your partner and they can fully hear you. Trust me, it’s a skill you will want to make sure your future partner has when selecting a healthy partner. 

If you’re currently in the dating scene and starting to ponder the same questions my very smart client asked the other day, I hope my questions provide you with some additional direction and guidance. Finding the person you choose to fall in love with, to give your heart to and to honor with the privilege of being your life-mate is not something to be taken lightly. 

[image: via amrufm on flickr]