The dating game can be exhausting, especially when the goal is finding your soulmate. Laura Tong helps us find Zen within the crazy.

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Oh boy, in the heady carnival of boys seeking girls seeking boys, the resultant emotions, thoughts and sensations can be hectic, electric, but also distressingly dyspeptic!

The very idea of stepping out on a date can send any of us into negative energy, panic mode—especially after a few too many false starts. And, let’s be frank, anxiously unsure, nervously sweaty or desperately hopeful aren’t really first impressions that are likely to result in a second date, or even a call explaining why not! Wanting to be found attractive, likable, lovable are pressure enough, but throw in the heart’s cry for finding your soulmate on top of this and the dating stakes can seem very daunting indeed.

Relax… breathe… fortunately, our mindful masters of Zen have identified some tangible life principles that can banish dating nerves forever—even when actively finding your soulmate.

Take a walk with me…

1. Dating is a State of Mind

Firstly, understand there is no need for suffering while riding the dating carousel, no matter how fast or bumpy it gets. Your attitude can be your safety net if you can find the head space to be open to new experiences. Sure, your emotions are screaming that you want to find someone great and gorgeous, like NOW! I’ll be honest, I’m not a huge fan of patience, having used up most of mine before my early teens but there is an alternative strategy to having this virtue…enjoying the journey.

Finding your soulmate is not a one-shot event you can pin down with any kind of accuracy, understand you’re signing up for fun experiences, interesting lessons and a crazy adventure along the way. Pack lightly however, for this is the minimalist trip of a lifetime—decide to enjoy it!

2. Finding Your Soulmate with Simplicity

Having got your conscious thought into the zone about the forthcoming experience, there’s now just one minimalist approach that will work for you: you’ve got to hit the dating streets with totally blinkered vision for the only thing that really matters to you—finding your soulmate.

Finding them is going to be a chase of mistaken identity if you’re unclear about what’s love-affirmingly, all important to you. Pare all your ideas down, strip away any preconceptions, rip up your superficial wish list but most importantly, set fire to the pyre of everyone else’s ideals or expectations. Your heart’s desire is on the line here…have the courage to give it a clear path.

3. Practice Being Lovable without Distortion

Now unfairly, even with your heart’s desire clear in your mind, Dating Mistake 101 is still hideously easy to make and damn hard to avoid, even when you know what it is. It seems obvious that selling the best version of yourself is paramount to successfully finding your soulmate and yet it’s all too easy to oversell. This approach near guarantees failure!

To start a relationship with any future, it’s got to be based on genuine, mutual attraction, desire and respect. Tarting up who you really are will only reel in someone captivated by the distorted image you’ve put out and that’s definitely not your soulmate. It’s time to learn self-acceptance. Admittedly this does mean breaking through the comprehensive programming we’re relentlessly exposed to, but de-cluttering your consciousness is key to finding your soulmate. Only authenticity wins.

 4. Approach Finding Your Soulmate with Intuition

While dating is immediate and conscious, connecting with your soulmate occurs on another level. Those of us who have found the other half to our whole are hopelessly inarticulate as to what exactly happened, other than to say it was something we can’t quite put our fingers on.

Finding your soulmate is reliant on something way more powerful than your conscious thought can define, predict or even affect—I truly believe this. Soulmates experience a chemistry at a molecular level that defies explanation. Your intuition is your only compass and you’re going to have to let it steer all the way.

5. Reach Relationship Enlightenment

Step out into dating prepared for an adventure, with a single aim, as the real you, giving your intuition its head and you will reach relationship enlightenment. Now that’s a recipe for finding your soulmate.

 

[Image: via Ariadna Bruna on flickr]

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 About the Author

Laura J Tong inspires women to transform their relationships into real life love stories. Visit her at Rekindle The Love Forever to find out what it really takes to have a lifetime of loving.