“Pretty,” “smart,” and “funny” are well and good, but what’s the most meaning compliment you can give? One man reflects on what his partner means to him.
An ode to the people who truly see us, for who we are.
She just kinda stared at me, unsure of how to take it.
But as the great philosopher Eminem put it: “I can’t think of a perfecter way to word it.”
I told her she was comfortable.
Since I was a kid, I’ve operated with a sort of chip on my shoulder.
I’m not really sure where it came from originally, but after my divorce, it became even more significant. I noticed it more and more as I tried to get back into dating.
When I get into an uncomfortable setting, I leave. When I question someone’s loyalty or intention, I’m through. If someone comes across as dishonest, I find it impossible to rebuild trust.
Sometimes it doesn’t take all that much. I’m not saying this is a positive trait or something I’m proud of—just a description of the defense mechanism I’ve used for far too long.
But then she came along.
I couldn’t think of any other way to tell her how she makes me feel, other than to say that she is comfortable.
She’s comfortable in her own skin, and when you spend time with people like that, it’s hard not to feel at ease.
She walks confidently, proud of who she is and what she stands for.
Comfortable.
Like sitting at home on a Friday night, watching a movie in sweats.
A place you can say what you think and not worry about what response you will get.
The feeling you can share any of your baggage, your history, your mistakes—and know it will be met with a reassuring smile.
Comfortable.
The ability to walk into any room and not be overwhelmed.
Happy with two five-year-old girls who are obsessed with what she is doing, what jewelry she has on, and “where is her dog?”
Knowing that no matter what happens during the day, she will be there.
Comfortable.
As a person who hasn’t always been comfortable in my own skin and having my fair share of life baggage… I didn’t expect this to ever be the case.
With others, there always seemed to be something getting in the way—from schedules not working out to timing in our lives, what we were each going through and ready or not ready for. I resigned myself to the fact I might end up alone, because that would be far-better than living in a relationship that felt questionable.
There isn’t a more significant desire in a relationship to me than comfort.
Sure, she’s smart, funny, kind, and beautiful… but a lot of people check those boxes for us.
It is the people who truly see us—who seem to innately get our needs—who change our world.
I still can’t think of a better compliment to give her… she’s comfortable.
This article was originally published with YourTango; republished with the kindest permission.
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About the Author
Patrick Sallee: Father of twin girls, 5 going on 13. Career in nonprofit management and philanthropy. Below average golfer. Currently external affairs for a community health center. Firmly believe in the motto: “fake it til you make it.” Living and loving life in Kansas City.
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