The relationship with self can be complicated. Allana Pratt is here to share three ways healthy self image can help you land the guy or girl of your dreams.

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How important is your relationship with SELF in scoring a great partner? It’s everything! Your relationship with self… decides who you will let yourself be, and who you will let yourself have, what is possible in your life.

The more you deeply care for yourself first, the more present you will be to what you really desire, and the courage you will have not to settle. The more you stop judging yourself and the more you become patient, encouraging and kind with yourself, the more that is your ‘modus operendus’ and you’ll only be attracted to someone who treats you with the same respect.

Honestly, what would people say if they heard the way you talk to yourself inside? Would they be aghast? Or would they be inspired, feel safe, and want to get closer to you? People notice how you talk to the car who cut you off in traffic, how you speak to the waitress who got the order wrong, how you reacted or responded to an emergency… did you blame yourself or others… or did you express an appropriate emotion, then take a deep breath and handle it?

To attract a great partner, the most efficient way is to begin inside YOU.

There are a few things you can do…

First, ask: what do I resist about me?

What am I embarrassed about? What do I want nobody to ever know? That might be difficult at first, but say you feel shameful about a divorce, your body, an STD, a bankruptcy, your crazy ex… just take a moment and look within yourself.

Maybe you feel timid or uncertain. That’s totally normal… and now ask, What would it take for me to be in allowance of even this? Maybe I don’t have to love it, yet no longer waste my energy hiding it? When you do, all the energy used suppressing can be used to heal your shame and lift your vibration into acceptance. It’s called being vulnerable… being raw like “here I am, skeleton out of the closet”… not apologizing for yourself, no justifications. Just pure you. This capacity draws you to a partner who has also dissolved their shame, who won’t blame you for your ‘skeleton’ and together you can actually discover the gift in it all.

Second, ask: what has not yet awakened within me?

You might desire to have a certain quality that you see in others. Instead of comparing or giving up before you even begin… ask, What would it take for that quality to shine as me? With my female clients who are initially off put by a woman who’s super sexy or at peace in her curves… I invite them to say Thank You, Sister! and begin a dance ritual each night in the privacy of their home, to awaken their erotic creature. So guys, if a man is more grounded or present or accomplished or courageous than you… know that quality is inside you ready to emerge.

Taking the time to heal your wounded heart, get your ass onto a martial arts mat, submit that book proposal, start that blog…whatever it takes so that you are more fully YOU… and watch how you attract a partner who’s also showing up as their full self… and you can both be the wind in each other’s sails on those days when you need that extra support.

Third, get clear that you are enough.

By doing your inner work so you know your worth and you don’t need her approval to be enough, this will allow your relationship to be the space of listening and not fixing. Your relationship with be a sanctuary of non judgment, of allowance and delicious creative energies… in the bedroom, on vacation, day to day chores and those unexpected moments when you are filled with gratitude that you upgraded YOU because of the amazing partner you brought into your life.

Lastly, remember: your partner doesn’t complete you.

Yes, you can desire to be their hero, desire them to appreciate you, be turned on by you, care for you… yet when you’ve done your inner work, you don’t NEED them to do this… which creates this huge, no-pressure welcoming space for them to give you more than you ever imagined possible.

Of course it’s way easier to ignore everything I just said and hope that someone special is impressed with your accomplishments, your money or your physique… just don’t complain if you ‘can’t find any good relationships’ that value you!

Men: Take the time to download my complementary report and video series at GetHerToSayYes.com to jumpstart your inner journey home to the noble badass you’ve always been inside… and let’s bring him to the forefront for your own joy being a man, and to attract your special someone.

Deliciously, Allana xoxo

 

This article was originally published with the Good Men Project; republished with the kindest permission. 

[image: via shutterstock]