While traditionalists may adhere to the rule of separate homes until marriage, a more modern approach promotes the opposite. Should you live together first?
Question:
My girlfriend and I have been talking about moving in together before we get married in a year. Do you recommend this and are there any benefits to doing this?
Answer:
I may not be politically correct in many circles, yet I believe in what WORKS in relationships having personally done what does NOT work! And from having personally coached thousands of wonderful people in having successful relationships!
Society sets us up to think relationships are these fantasy fairy tales where you live happily ever after without trying and that they require no work… just find the guy/gal, getting married and it’s all perfect.
Well it’s not. Relationships are work—exquisite work to evolve your soul—and I encourage couples to go into marriage with their eyes open talking about the deal.
Moving in together before you get married allows you to:
1. Practice healthy communication about what you desire, require, expect in a relationship
2. Practice navigating when there are breakdowns in the deal, stay connected, judgment free
3. Practice allowance, that your beloved isn’t perfect and neither are you
After 6-9 months of this while also dealing with family dynamics… whooooah! You both will have the opportunity to get triggered on a fairly regular basis; YET, it will become your choice on whether you become a stronger team by sitting in the fire together… or if the fire’s too hot and one of you shows that you’re not committed to doing the deep work to make a long term relationship work. It’s better to find out before you walk down the isle. Weddings are expensive, divorces more so.
Yet how AMAZING to have navigated the past year together AND know beyond a shadow of a doubt that THIS is the person you choose for better or for worse? Pretty cool to live in knowing rather than hope, yes?
Lastly, don’t go this year of living together alone. Promise? Get some counseling from your local church or book a strategy session with me to see if you’re a fit for my program. I can’t think of anything better to invest in once you’re engaged than making sure you’re setting yourself up to win and have a long term hot healthy intimate relationship. Ninety percent of the time I work with divorced people who are heartbroken… yet, if they had contacted me when still in a relationship or when single to heal a sabotaging pattern… so much time, energy, money, and heartache could have been saved.
It takes a special soul that’s willing to courageously be proactive, contact me and work together… what I blessing and privilege I have to work with such Souls… email [email protected] Subj: MeetMindful Sent Me… so you can apply for a complementary strategy session with me valued at $597.
Congratulations! Looking forward to hearing from you both.
Great love, Allana xoox
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