Feeling a stuck in the dating world? Experiencing Groundhog Day Syndrome in your love life? Take a cue from Bill Murray and shake things up.
If there are two things I hate more than anything else, they are boredom and routine. The movie Groundhog Day was hilarious, although it made my skin crawl. Why? The thought of the same pattern day after day is my worst nightmare, especially in a relationship.
When I was dating, just the thought of being committed to one person brought up feelings of being trapped, confined or stuck in an exclusive partnership that became stale and the “same old same old.” I avoided that kind of commitment for many years. Finally, I learned some key things that saved me from what I regarded as pattern and boredom torture. Now, I consider myself well-versed in ensuring my dating and relationship are enjoyable and satisfying.
It helps that I married a man I can travel the world with. He has brilliant ideas and understands his wife has a very short attention span. I even say from time to time, “I’m getting bored, let’s change things up.” And we do.
If you’re like me, you love excitement. You thrive on adventures. New ideas make you jump out of bed. The word “exploration” lights you up. You may also be thinking that relationships could be fulfilling, IF you can avoid Groundhog Day Syndrome.
Truth be told, there is nothing wrong with routine and patterns. The goal is to notice when they are making you miserable so you can turn things around quickly. Yes?
Are you stuck in a rut right now with a date, or in your current relationship? Maybe you are seeking information to prevent this predicament in the future because you want a relationship but have concerns about stagnation. Have no fear, these tips are meant to give you ways to spice it up and keep things fresh in the dating scene and as a couple.
4 Ways to Avoid the Dreaded Groundhog Day Syndrome While Dating (or in a Relationship):
#1) Don’t rely on one person to make all of the plans.
You are then at the mercy of their ideas; it’s easy to grow resentful if you don’t always like what they plan. In today’s day and age, dating and relationships are a two-way street. Okay, yes, sometimes the man plans the first date or two, but this can become a danger zone. Yes, men are creative, but everyone has their limit. People already feel a tremendous pressure to keep you entertained and happy.
Think about what it would be like if you talked about what you both wanted to do on the date or that Friday night and mutually agreed on your plans. Wouldn’t that improve the chances that neither of you would experience being let down or disappointed? Two brains are better than one, anyway. If you discuss what you want to do, you won’t find yourself going along with something because you had to. Not only that, your date or partner won’t always have to try to come up with something to entertain you
#2) Be someone who receives surprises and gives surprises.
Do you love surprises? Most people do, if the surprises are from the heart, and not a strategy to get something in return. One of the ways we can have instant excitement and keep people on their toes in a good way is to plan something unexpected, unique, and different. My friend, Annemarie, and my husband, Stefan, are always planning little gifts and treats. It makes me want to see them more, because I never know what will happen. I’ve even become better at surprising people with goodies. It may not be a natural thing for you yet or your partner. Try it out, give it time, and it will come.
You may be concerned that surprises could cause someone run away from you, yes? Try not to get tangled up in all of that. My philosophy is, if a surprise makes someone leave, he or she wasn’t for you anyway. Do it! Surprises keep life full of anticipation and wonder. Don’t limit yourself to the typical holidays like Valentines Day, birthdays and Christmas, either. Wouldn’t you enjoy not knowing what’s around the corner? What is that feeling like? I bet it’s more enjoyable than the alternative!
#3) Notice what’s missing, and bring it to the situation.
Relying on one person to bring all the fun to the table is a disappointment waiting to happen. A good friend of mine once told me, “If something is missing in the situation, you bring it. Don’t wait for the other person. Otherwise, you set yourself up as the victim.” What he meant was, if romance is missing, you need to bring the romantic ideas. If creativity is missing, you bring the creativity. If you’re bored, you are boring. I think you get the picture.
When I learned how to bring playfulness to a situation in any moment, I realized my value to the relationship. When I learned these skills, I got sexier, more attractive and more wanted by men. My point in all of this is, you should be the person who can identify what’s missing in a situation. Be confident enough that you can add the missing ingredient. You’ll be very glad you did, and I’d bet the other person will be, too.
#4) Speak up or shut up.
This may sound a bit harsh, but it does take two to tango, as the saying goes. The level of excitement you need may be different than he or she does. There is nothing wrong with that. If you are starting to feel your life with someone is like a scene out of Groundhog Day, it’s time to speak up. If you’re bored, speak your truth. If you feel like you and your partner are settling into a routine, mention it. Don’t point fingers like it’s his or her fault, or the conversation may not go well. Bringing up your feelings offers you both a chance to discuss the situation and solve it together.
In the past, my husband’s and my intimate life got a little boring. Although it was not easy to address this, out of fear of hurting his feelings, I did. After that day, we sat down together and wrote out a huge list of all the things we could do romantically together. Since then, our sex life has been very fun and fulfilling. It does take courage to express yourself when you’re feeling you are in a tedious pattern. I think you’ll have more regrets if you don’t discuss the situation. Do you want to experience Groundhog Day Syndrome or a life of fulfillment and excitement?
I wish I could say that you will never experience the Groundhog Day phenomenon. My husband and I have been together for over three years, and we do fall into this pattern from time to time. What’s important is how quickly you notice what’s happening, so you can use these simple techniques to get back on track to the exhilarating and adventurous life we all love so much.
Finally, consider that your dating and/or relationship partner wants you to be happy. Make it a little easier on him or her. Try these techniques and watch how you can prevent the patterns we all dread, while creating your own surprisingly awesome life!
[image: via google images]