When I was a freshman in high school my best friend started dating the popular/football quarterback/all-star/homecoming king and he quickly became the center of her universe—which in turn, made her almost as quickly become my ex-best friend.
It wasn’t just because we no longer spent any time together, it was also because the relationship changed her, and not necessarily for the better.
This is not a rare issue.
Often when people get into new relationships everything else around them seems to disappear and the only thing that exists is the two of them.
Five Reasons Why Your Friends May Prefer You Single
1. Room in Your Planner
When single there is more time for friends and fun. People often overlook their friends while in the midst of developing a new romantic relationship. Even though it may be tempting to spend every single night rolling in the sheets with your new lover, it’s not healthy to be so isolated. Your friends are still your friends and they want to see your glowing face.
2. Chit-Chatty Kathy
The single life lends itself to having plenty to talk about with friends, whether it’s dating, the new delicious restaurant that just opened, or how challenging work has been, friends are there to hear all about it. When a new partner comes along all that talking gets transferred over and friends start missing your voice.
3. Altering The Group Dynamic
Maybe you were the wild one, or the connector, or the voice of reason. Whatever you were within your group of friends, you were a vital asset. They need you, single or not. For awhile I had what one calls a “shots” friend, the person who at the bar always insists on taking shots, then she started seeing someone and suddenly I was going home much-more sober but also much-less entertained. Eventually she was replaced by a “dance” friend (the one that always insists on hitting up the floor), which was probably better for my mind and body anyway, but “shots” friend was still dearly missed.
Sure it’s fun to explore new opportunities, but if said opportunities completely change who you are as a person, friends may find the new “you” not so cool. For example, I had a friend who was like a super hippie then she met a guy who was in the army and so, she decided she’d also join the army. It was weird. Eventually we stopped having anything in common and became un-friends.
5. Free Flow
Some people when they get in relationships become super uptight; they start taking everything seriously because they’re wanting this one “to last” and don’t want to make any mistakes along the way. Being overly critical, edgy and cross instead of mindful, relaxed and open can lead friends to question why they ever hung around.
Getting into new relationships can be a wonderful magical time, but it’s important to stay balanced, with the new lover, friends, work, family etc. to maintain healthy and happy relationships all around. New additions to one’s life can always be a bit of a challenge at first; but luckily, we have things like google calendar and texting to keep connections and interactions regular, steady and fun without too much stress.
[photo: via EladeManu on flickr]