Time for the ladies to have a spotlight shown on their first date bad behavior. Kyriel Manzo denounces excess drinking, potty talk & classic over-sharing.
Since we called out all the men for their bad behavior, it’s only fair that the ladies are held accountable for their share of first date faux pas.
Ladies, as much as we enjoy pointing out the shortcomings of our male counterparts, we have to take some responsibility when we make a not-so-great impression on a first date.
Stop leaning on some Marilyn Monroe quote—“if you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best”—that has been circulating around Facebook and Instagram, and take responsibility for the fact that you ruined your date by telling him just exactly how bitchy and bloated you feel during PMS. Nothing says, “I like you, let’s order pasta with red gravy” like telling a guy just exactly how heavy your flow is.
Here are the top five mood killers for a first date:
1) You allude to any underlying desperation to find a mate.
There’s no better way to send a potential mate running faster than hinting that “at this point I’d be grateful for a boyfriend even if I wasn’t really into it.” Don’t talk about your “biological clock” or how the ticking is making you feel like Hook with a crocodile in the vicinity. Definitely refrain from saying something like, “oh yeah, I’ve been on thousands of first dates, so if we could get to the part where you propose, that would be great.” Be open and honest about your dating goals and love goals but don’t apply any pressure. The first date should equal no pressure. Keep it light.
2) You talk about your bodily functions. TMI.
Didn’t your mother ever teach you that potty talk is not allowed at the table? Whether your first date is sky diving or dinner and a movie, there is never ever a natural segue into your bowel movements or menstrual cycle. A first date isn’t the time to discuss how you’re switching birth controls because the bloating, the savage hunger and the heavy bleeding are making you feel like Katniss Everdeen stuck in the middle of The Hunger Games. And unless you’re on a date with a proctologist, don’t discuss your bowel movements, their frequency or consistency. If it happens in the bathroom with the door closed, it doesn’t belong on a first date. This is what a man really needs to know about your body.
3) You won’t stop talking about your ex boyfriend or girlfriend.
Whether you’re singing praises about your ex or unzipping your suitcase of baggage and dumping it on the table, talking about your ex over and over on a first date is a no-no. The person you’re on a date with doesn’t want to take a tour of the ex hall of fame and immediately start to feel inferior. They also don’t want to hear the gory details of every fight that lead to the end.
Have you even asked your date any questions yet? Do you know where they work or if they went to college? No, you don’t because you’ve been talking about how Craig used to take you to this restaurant all the time and…Shhh! Craig just happens to be over in the corner (also on a first date) and you just happen to have binoculars in your purse. So that’s why Craig (your ex boyfriend) wasn’t answering his phone for the last three months. He’s seeing someone else. He’s ordering the garlic bread. He used to order you the garlic bread when you were PMS-ing. You can see how quickly the ex talk turns into a spiral. Focus on the person you’re with and the present moment or you’re not ready to be dating again.
4) Accidentally forgetting to keep the alcohol to a minimum.
There’s nothing wrong with a microbrew or a whiskey, but keep the drink tab lower than your food tab. Don’t overindulge because you’re nervous or having a good time. Everything could go from relaxed and care free to yelling, “I can’t find my shoes” in the parking lot. First impressions are all you have during a first date and getting hammered probably won’t leave the most amazing imprint in his memory. For your safety you should have your wits about you. He is technically a stranger or someone new that you’re getting to know better.
You’re a journalist, a rock star, a small business owner, a research analyst, a teacher or a professional cyclist. You are interesting and cool enough without doing Irish Car Bombs. Impress him with the fact that you know all 55 prepositions and not the fact that you can take a shot using no hands. You are awesome and in control when you’re sober, so have some water and ask him how many brothers and sisters he has.
5) Not knowing that you are also responsible for conversation.
Don’t go on a first date and expect your partner to have a script or the sole responsibility for keeping conversation. You should be asking just as many questions and have just as many anecdotes to discuss. You are interesting, but so is he. He could be a holistic midwife or a feminist bookstore owner, but you’ll never know if you expect the questions to be directed at you and about you for the duration of the date.
If you’e not really good at the “get to know you” stuff and you can’t improvise when you’re nervous, have a few staple questions to ask. What’s important for you to know about this dude before the night is over? Just don’t get nervous and resort to violating the other four mood killers. Relax. You’re cool. He’s cool (or not). Just enjoy the experience.
[image via Helga Weber on flickr]