We shouldn’t have to change who we are for a relationship, but there are a few things that certainly can. Here are five things it’s acceptable to change.

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Our relationships are our greatest teachers. They have the capacity to empower us to be our best, most-actualized selves as well as lead us to dark, unfathomable places in our lives. These changes are often unconscious and subtle, but the question of whether or not we should change for our relationships is not as straight forward as one may expect. It’s a question that requires we first understand what is acceptable to change for our relationships more so than whether changing itself is beneficial.

We all are molded by our relationships consciously and subconscious, but it’s making sure we are not self-sacrificing that ensures these changes are not just for the benefit of the relationship, but for our personal benefit as well. Here are five things that are suitable to change for the sake of your relationship.

Unhealthy Habits

Some of us may smoke, drink, shop too much, or sleep too late. Whatever it may be, we all have unhealthy habits that relationships sometimes provide a wonderful motivation to finally change. When we attach ourselves to someone we care about and potentially are building a life with, ensuring we are our healthiest is important for ourselves just as much as not smoking may be to your partner. Take an honest look at your lifestyle; when asked, it may be time to be honest that you have some habits which could stand a little changing.

Your Social Structure

Going out and dancing with every man or woman who catches our eye is great when you are single. When you are building something with someone and things are serious… it’s not. A non-single status means being asked to evaluate our social habits and whether or not they are befitting of someone in a relationship. Additionally, it’s important to understand how you each interact with others socially. If they are more quiet and prefer to be at home and you are more of a social butterfly, you will both need to learn how to modify your own social preference to honor theirs as well.

What You Do for Fun

It’s expected that you and your partner will not do everything together or find all the same things interesting. While my husband could watch golf on TV all day, every day, it makes me want to rip my hair out. Golf is something which is a large part of his life and brings him great joy. While it’s never going to be something I embrace as he has, I have learned to enjoy other aspects of the game. We have quiet evenings in the summer with us alone in the cart and on a gorgeous course. He plays his round and I get to watch him do something he enjoys with his entire being. I am not adopting his interest, but learning how to be interested in what interests him; this is something we should actively strive for in our relationships.

Personal Themes

If your current partner is suggesting a change that you have been asked by previous partners to modify, it may be time to take notice. We all have our relational habits and not all of them are the most beneficial. Sometimes acknowledging we may have habits which inhibit growth in our relationships can be scary, but it’s time to practice some self honesty if we are with someone we truly care about. Chances are these themes or habits served their purpose in the break down of past relationships. Do you really want to see that happen again?

Your Residence

As a relationship evolves one, if not both of you, will be called to leave the home you’ve occupied in order to combine homes. Sometimes you each leave and find a mutually agreed upon home to share and sometimes one of you will leave your home to move in with the other. Regardless, changing your home and leaving that part of you which was all yours can be daunting. While it can be scary letting go of this personal space, it can also be seen as an opening for a richer life experience as you embark on this new section of your journey together.