in: Dating & Relationships

Are You Unconsciously Sabotaging Your Relationship?

Most of us enter into relationship with hidden commitments that keep us from having the love we want. Are you unconsciously sabotaging your relationship?

Are You Unconsciously Sabotaging Your Relationships?

There’s a quick and fail-proof test that will tell you why you’re not getting what you want in love. And this test applies whether you’re single and longing for your soulmate, or you’ve been in a relationship for years and can’t seem to work out certain things with your partner.

We’ll tell you about the test in a minute, but first we’d like you to pause for a moment and think about your biggest wish in relationships right now.

If you’re single, you probably want to get off the dating treadmill and find that one special person you’ll share your life with.

Or maybe you think you’ve already found this person, but they can’t seem to fully commit to you. If you already have a partner, maybe you wish he or she was more affectionate with you. Or perhaps you two fight about chores all the time, and you feel under-appreciated and overworked around the house.

Whatever your wish, you probably want it badly. And you’ve probably worked hard to get it. So why isn’t it happening for you?

What Youre Getting Versus What You Have

You may think you’re deeply committed to getting your wish in love—whatever it is—but we’ve found a surprising contradiction. After working with thousands of singles and couples (and experiencing our own relationship difficulties), we know of this startling truth:

You are subconsciously MORE committed to whatever is actually happening in your life.

So, if you seem to only attract commitment-phobes, you’re more committed to staying single.

If you’re going out on countless dates but can’t seem to find “The One,” you’re more committed to staying single.

If you feel your partner isn’t affectionate enough with you, you’re more committed to not receiving enough affection.

And if you’re exhausted, convinced your partner doesn’t do his or her fair share around the house, you’re more committed to being taken for granted.

It sounds harsh, but it’s true.

We know this because each of us is a powerful creator. Our mindset, choice, and behavior directly influence whatever happens in our lives. We can use this power to create what we want but also to perpetuate what we DON’T want.

The 5-Second Commitment Test

Now, this is all happening on a subconscious level, which is why you feel so frustrated and unable to stop the pattern of whatever negative consequences are happening in your life.

But it doesn’t have to be subconscious. The minute you recognize these unconscious commitments, you can then consciously re-commit to creating different resultsYour first step is to identify these unconscious commitments. So here’s that test:

Any pattern or issue that happens at least three times for you means you are unconsciously committed to that outcome.

That insight alone has created radical transformations in the singles and couples we’ve worked with (and in ourselves.) It’s a quick tool you can use anytime to uncover your hidden commitments.

Your next step is knowing what to do with this priceless insight!

Chances are, you’ve worked hard to resolve this pattern. You’ve probably fought against it. Or maybe you’ve thought that if you ignored it, it would just go away. Maybe you’ve analyzed it to no end, and you think you’ve “figured it out.” 

But if the pattern keeps happening, your efforts are wasted. You’ll just keep falling into the pit of the problem—your frustration will continue to compound, and your relationships will keep deteriorating.

To learn how to dissolve your unconscious commitments—whether you’re longing for a partner or you’re wishing for change in your relationship—subscribe to our free relationship e-newsletter, Hearts In Harmony. You’ll learn:

  • The one word that can stop a fight with your partner in its tracks
  • How to consciously practice new, healthy ways of relating to each other
  • The key to “flipping your SoulMate switch” and creating the relationship you deserve
  • The two subconscious fears that keep most of us from fully experiencing love
  • What to do when you’re convinced a relationship issue is your partner’s fault

Once you get clear on what’s secretly running your life—including your relationships—there’s no stopping you in creating what you do want.

About the Author:

Katie & Gay Hendricks

We have two PhDs and 36 published books between us. Yet the most common question a relationship expert will ever get is this one: "What's your love life like?" We're glad you asked. Ever since we consciously attracted each other over 30 years ago, we turned our relationship into a living laboratory. We wanted to create a marriage that ran entirely on positive energy, and we developed tools to help us accomplish that every day. Since then, we've been teaching our methods to thousands of couples and singles—in our counseling offices, at our live seminars, and even on Oprah. Now it's your turn. Subscribe to our free relationship newsletter at Hearts in True and get our very best advice to transform your love life.


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