Avoid the awkward, will-she-call-or-won’t-she silence between dates one and two by using your words and a little bit of courage. The second date is yours.
There is a huge difference between having a good time with someone and having a good enough time with someone to want a second date. In this article, I’ll give you an idea to try as the first date ends, such that both people can commit to a second date.
Have you experienced first dates where you walk away thinking someone was interested in going out again? Perhaps the other person said they wanted to go out again, and you never heard from them? Maybe you have reached out to them and gotten zero, zilch, nada response, leaving you feeling like someone kicked dirt in your face. Don’t you wonder what happened? I went through that in my dating days. Many of my clients have this scenario pop up as well. Let’s stop the whole, “I thought we had a good time, but….” scenario.
When I was dating, I hated walking away from a date not knowing when the phone would ring. I despised feeling like a victim, waiting for him to call to schedule the next date, if he did. The waiting process was torture. It left me at the effect of someone else’s actions. Can anyone else relate? This situation happens to men and women alike. We are in the 21st century, however, and things have changed.
This idea may be a bit extreme for some of you. Some of you may find it very refreshing. If you’re frustrated with the scenario above, you will love this idea. I warn you, though; it takes loads of awareness, courage and being present in the moment. Let’s prevent the waiting, wondering and being the victim ever again. I think this formula takes the “game” out of the picture completely. It also requires a willingness to be vulnerable, open and authentic. Remember, it may be hard to digest at first, but trust me on this.
Here we go.
After the first date, as the two of you are saying your goodbyes or walking to your cars, take the opportunity to check in. Here’s what checking in looks like. Yes, there is always time for the kiss before or after the “check in” if you are a first date kisser.
Checking in looks like this: “I had a really good time, and would like to see you again. Did you have a good time?”
Wait for his or her answer.
Remember, there is a big difference between having a good time and having a good enough time to want to see someone again. Don’t be misled by a general yes. You must ask the next question: “Shall we see each other again and continue getting to know each other?”
This is where you have to listen to their words and read their body language. Are they telling you the truth or just being nice? Being smart at reading words and body language is important. Is he or she authentically saying, “Yes, I had a really good time, and I want to see you again”?
Now for the next bold step. Are you ready for this one?
If you do want to see this person again, and you do not want to be looking down at your cell phone over and over, waiting for it to ring, you could say, “How about we schedule our next date right now so we can look forward to seeing each other again during the week?”
Wait for the response and then respond accordingly. At this point, if you’re tuned in, you’ll know one way or the other.
Asking the question right there on the spot also gives the person a chance to say he or she is not interested in seeing you again. That’s okay, too. Wouldn’t you rather know sooner than later? If he or she says, “No,” you can each go on your merry way with no hard feelings. This is great because it saved you the time, and headache of waiting for a phone that was not going to ring anyway! Say “Thank you” and “Good luck” and move on. Next!
Now, if he or she says, “Yes, let’s schedule our next date now, great idea,” cool. Whip out your calendars (cellphones) and schedule the next date. You know they are usually available. This is a wonderful benefit of technology!
Be sure, though, that you do not leave without determining who will do what for the next date. Discuss whose turn is it to plan the date or where you want to go together next. This creates anticipation and excitement.
Can you see this as a new way to date? I told you it was extreme, but it works. Can you see that in this situation there is no waiting and wondering? It will take courage and guts to ask this. Being okay in the silence as you wait for the answer is usually the toughest, but you can do it.
If you are like me, you will love the instant gratification, clarity and tremendous peace of mind. It may not be necessary. If, in your heart, you think the other person will call, then go with that. However, consider this as something you can do if the phone is not ringing after your dates and you know something is off.
You may think this is over the top. You have no idea how many times I’ve heard “no call” stories, though. If you are willing to give this a shot and put yourself out there, wouldn’t it be nice to have a new idea to prevent the waiting and disappointment? You can leave the date with a good feeling, looking forward to another date with this terrific person you’d like to keep getting to know. Isn’t this is an excellent way of taking your dating life into your own hands?
What do you think? Is this extreme and crazy or an authentic solution to your problem? Are you willing to give it a try?
[image: via Guian Bolisay on flickr]