While we don’t condone the “kiss and tell” we do want you to be equipped for the best make out sessions of your life. Think about things (and then… don’t).
Let’s be really honest here: making out is fun.
I mean, most of the time, at least.
I mean most of the time, hopefully it’s good.
Okay, sometimes it’s bad.
Sometimes it’s really bad.
But there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. There’s a way to turn bad into good.
A bad kiss is a bit of a dealbreaker. I know, I know, there’s bound to be a bad one here and there. I suppose what I mean is bad chemistry is a deal breaker. But chemistry is an equation (I think, I slept through science) and an equation has two parts. This is good news, this means there are ways to make sure you’re holding up your end of things.
The reason making out is sometimes bad is we put too little thought into it.
Think Things Through
Let me explain a little further, because I definitely do not believe matters of the heart should be thought about too much. The initial action, at least. I mean, when you’re sitting across a table from the hottest person you’ve seen in at least six months and suddenly feel yourself enveloped in the urge to reach across the table and kiss them… by all means, go for it. Things like that shouldn’t be thought about much.
But maybe beforehand put a little thought into what you’re doing—before you even walk into the restaurant/bar/park/etc.
By design, I think too much. I’m not saying take it to my kind of level—where I’ve honestly pictured most moments of my life unfolding with people who are complete strangers—but when you meet someone you could be into, take a minute.
Think about what you’re looking for from them. Think about what you hope for from them. A connection is a lot easier when those two things match up.
For example, the last guy I made out with was from—quite literally—the other side of the world. London. He was in town for two days, and I knew that from the beginning. But just because it wasn’t ever going anywhere in the long term didn’t mean it couldn’t be enjoyable in the immediate.
And I thought about it—I thought about this for a minute before I went into the situation, as I was walking into the bar.
I thought about where I am in my life and what I’m looking for from anyone. I thought about what he was probably looking for and they added up. So I made out with him—and it was really, really fun. We trade messages here and there still (because he’s English, duh), but I wasn’t ever looking for him to hang the moon.
And that’s why it worked.
There was the good kind of nervous energy—the butterflies and that sort of thing; but the bad wasn’t there. I wasn’t worried about whether this was going somewhere and what the next step was. I knew there wasn’t one.
Now, let’s take a fictional scenario on the other end of the spectrum. Let’s say you meet someone and they are overwhelmingly attractive. So enticing you can’t even stand it. You’re on your second date and about halfway through the evening when you realize you really want to kiss them.
You’ve probably done a lot of the thinking—some without even realizing. You said yes to the date, after all. So if you’re looking for something to go somewhere and you think they’re looking for something to go somewhere… you have a solid equation for make out fun.
In hindsight of every bad kiss situation I’ve ever been in, I hesitated. We generally hesitate about things we’re not sure about; and I tend to think when you’re not sure about something, it’s probably not the best thing to do. Because if it feels right in the moment, you’re far-less likely to carry regret—assuming you’re a generally awesome person, and for the sake of this article, I like to think anyone reading it is.
Don’t Think Anything Through
So now that’ we’ve thought about what makes making out work, let’s take a minute to make it better.
Have you ever kissed someone who didn’t seem into it? I mean, where it almost seemed like they didn’t want to be an active participant in the action at all? We all probably have—I like to think I’m not alone in my discomfort, anyway.
Don’t do that. Don’t think about kissing someone while you’re kissing someone. Just do. Thinking at this stage in the game is what gets us flustered and makes it bad—worrying whether something will go well or badly is generally guaranteeing it will go badly.
And remember how I said to think about what page you’re on and make out with people who are on pages you can deal with? If you’ve already done that, then there’s nothing to worry about anyway.
Just be in that moment while you’re there. Enjoy it for what it is.
And be playful.
Have fun with it! Whatever this person is to you at this stage in your day or evening, if you’ve gotten this far, you’re there to have fun. So play it up. Be flirty. Chances are, if you’re feeling it—I mean really feeling it—your partner is, too.
And as is the case with all good things, make sure they leave wanting more.
That’s something they shouldn’t have to think about.
[image: via Pedro Ribeiro Simões on flickr]