in: Dating & Relationships

How to Use the Right Thoughts to Attract the Right Woman

Feeling hum-drum about your dating past? We’ve got some radical ideas to turn that “blah” feeling on its head. It’s time to attract the right woman.

Guys are “supposed” to be the ones to make the first move. That can be intimidating. And that’s just one of the challenges guys have to face when looking for “the one.”

If you aren’t in a remarkable relationship, but want to be, here are five possible obstacles to your success, as well as some radical ideas to turn things around.

Challenge #1 – Dating Slams Your Self Esteem

You don’t believe in yourself and are worried about rejection, or you think it is too hard to be in a relationship, or you’re shy and not very comfortable in social settings.

Maybe in the past someone said you were stupid, lazy, unattractive, mean, short, quiet, undesirable or socially awkward. The good news: you are separate from your past. Things that happened to you years ago will not continue to define who you are today unless you drag them into the present and future with you.

Radical Idea – Be Who You Now Choose to Be

Let past events, failures and labels go like a snake sheds its skin. It might feel uncomfortable at first, but you’ll soon feel lighter, more peaceful and free.

Challenge #2 – It’s Your Castle & Your Moat

You stay home since life is easier on the sidelines, or you are very comfortable where you are, or you figure you can’t be hurt by others if you don’t get out.

Sometimes it is really familiar to sit on the couch with a bag of chips watching a game. Nobody interrupts you. This is your comfort zone. But you might really enjoy doing something different for a change. You’ll never know unless you try it. And if you’re not growing, you’re stagnating.

Radical Idea – Decide to Participate in Life

If you keep yourself on the bench, you’ll never play the game. Otherwise, you might get caught on the sidelines when the whistle blows. Or find moss growing up your legs.

Challenge #3 – You Roam Like a Wolf in a Pack

You are in a rut doing the same activities with the same friends, or your friends might not be a positive influence on you, or you aren’t allowing others into your inner circle.

You do get out, but you tend to hang out with the same group of friends. Sure, you leave the house… but under limiting circumstances. Also, your friends might not have had success in relationships themselves. They might be keeping you playing small with the one life you have.

Radical Idea – Take a Chance

If you want to meet someone, get out and see different people for a change. Make sure you find those who will accept you for who you are, and appreciate the unique things you offer.

Challenge # 4 – Strike Three, You’re Out!

You are not putting your best foot forward when you do go out, or your first feeble attempts were rejected, or you find that lack of success at dating is depressing.

Maybe you tried getting out of your comfort zone. You made an effort to date but you were rejected. It made you feel undesirable. And so you gave up. It is a good thing great scientists and explorers didn’t give up that easily.

Radical Idea – Adopt a Positive Attitude

If you don’t have much self-esteem, it can be difficult when you don’t succeed at dating. It tends to lower your opinion of yourself. Just because you didn’t succeed at first doesn’t mean you won’t figure things out as you continue trying to date. But, if you believe you will fail, you are probably right. You’ll likely have better results the next time. You’ll at least feel more confident.

Challenge # 5 – You Might Be Alone, But You’re Not a Bit Lonely

You are pretending it doesn’t matter if you are alone, or you are taking dating very seriously, or you figure you shouldn’t take a chance on being rejected.

You can’t easily pretend something doesn’t matter to you if it really does. You might be able to be dishonest with others, but it’s difficult to continue to lie to yourself.

Radical Idea – Stop Taking Yourself So Seriously

Even if it is important to you to be in a relationship that doesn’t mean you can’t be playful. Also you’re far more likely to succeed with a sense of humor. You might even view it as a game.

Your remarkable relationship partner is out there, and none of these ideas are so radical that you can’t start using them immediately. So here’s to a radically remarkable, eminently datable you!

About the Author

Karen Leeds is a coach, author and speaker empowering people to recapture life’s magic. She uses laughter and little-known secrets that she definitely did not learn as a management consultant and dance teacher. She’s compiled those secrets into a book; “Life’s Magic Carousel: How to Grab the Brass Ring Before the Music Stops” coming spring 2015. To get your share of Karen’s wacky, original perspective on how to stop missing out and start loving life follow her at


This article was originally published with the Good Men Project; republished with the kindest permission. 

[image: via shutterstock]

About the Author:

The Good Men Project

We're having a conversation about what it means to be a good man in the 21st century. Care to join us? Find us on Facebook, and Twitter.


Join our Mindful Movement!


Sign up today, and we'll share bi-weekly Mindful Moments, full of helpful tips, tactics, and content to improve your life!


"Without a doubt, the most engaging written piece on mindfulness!"

- a Mindful Moment Subscriber


(We'll never sell or share your information, either.)

You have Successfully Subscribed!