Sure, sometimes nerves can get the best of anyone on a first date. But there are five tell-tale bad date red flags you should never ignore.
Bad dates are a rite of passage. Practically everyone has some dating horror story to tell. But, when should you draw the line and bail on a date? Sometimes we try to just smile and make the best of a bad date, but occasionally there are situations that warrant a quick exit.
If you ever find yourself on a date and notice any of these red flags, it’s completely appropriate to cut the date short and save yourself from needless misery.
Your date shows up totally intoxicated or high.
If someone is looking for a serious relationship, this is not the way to make a good first impression. If your date can’t stay sober long enough to sit through and hour or so of first date conversation, they’re probably not a good choice for a solid, stable partner.
Likewise, if your date proceeds to get completely inebriated during your date, call them a cab and make your exit. Someone who’s mature enough to handle a real relationship should be mature enough to monitor their alcohol intake as well. If they can’t, this may not be the type of person you want to invest your time in getting to know.
Ditto if you can tell they arrive to your date completely stoned out of their mind.
They make sexist/racist or other derogatory comments.
Sometimes people are a bit nervous on an initial meeting, but typically this means they’re on their best behavior—not worst. If someone is relaxed enough to make sexist/racist or otherwise offensive comments during a first date just imagine what they would be okay saying later. If someone is comfortable enough to make derogatory comments or uncalled for jokes the first time they meet you, and to the point of being totally belligerent, there’s a good chance it won’t get any better.
I have a friend who experienced this exact situation and she got up and walked out in the middle of the date. If someone offends you, it’s okay to bail early.
They’re extremely rude or have horrendous manners.
Some minor offenses of poor manners can be overlooked, but if someone has extremely bad manners or is just plain rude, why would you want to waste your valuable time putting up with that? I’ve heard many a dating nightmare about first dates that went awry quickly.
From the guy whose table manners aren’t up to par (blowing your nose at the dinner table? Eww); to being just plain rude, making suggestive comments or offensive remarks about your appearance or asking inappropriate questions—these are not signs of a good first date. And generally speaking, are a total turn off. There is no reason to sit there and accept behavior that you find so offensive or rude you would not normally subject yourself to it. Feel free to end this date quickly.
They show up extremely late without letting you know.
Along the same lines as general rudeness and bad behavior is someone who shows up extremely late and doesn’t bother to give you a heads up. If a person is that inconsiderate going into a first date, that says a lot about them. Only self-involved, thoughtless individuals behave this way towards others—especially when trying to make a first impression.
If someone is considerate, they will call or text to let you know they’re running late rather than making you sit around feeling like maybe you’re being stood up. If they can’t respect your time as being valuable now, they likely won’t respect it later either.
They talk about their ex or bad mouth them the entire date.
If your companion for the day or evening proceeds to talk about their ex the entire time you’re on the date or they bad-mouth or trash talk them, you might want to considering bailing early on this one. If someone proceeds to spend the whole date talking about an ex love, then clearly they aren’t over that relationship and thus are not ready to begin a new one.
Additionally, if someone speaks negatively about a past love, or “airs their dirty laundry” to you right off the bat, it’s not a good sign. Such things may come out later as you get to know someone, but starting off a first encounter this way sends the wrong message. What if you two dated and then broke up? Would they trash talk you to the next person they date? Keep in mind most people have a pattern of behavior so if their negativity is presenting itself on an initial meeting, it might be in your best interest to move on.
Bottom line, it’s important to remember your value and what you will or will not put up with. If someone crosses the line, there is no reason you should have to accept such bad behavior. Sometimes, we’re so afraid of making a scene we tolerate more than we should. However, if you feel uncomfortable in a situation it’s okay to say, “sorry, but I’ve got to go.”
It take guts and courage to stop a date mid-way through, but it’s better than the alternative. Time is precious. Why waste another minute you can’t get back putting up with less than you deserve?
[image: via Bailey Weaver on flickr]