in: mindful living

Balancing Alone Time with Couple Time in a Relationship

Gerry Ellen

One of the best-kept secrets of happy couples? Prioritizing alone time alongside couple time. Take your relationships to the next level by flying solo.


Alone time. 

With any relationship, this can be somewhat of a “make it or break it” theme, as both persons involved are aiming to find the balance within what makes them feel happy and free, as well as together and supported. Having alone time in a serious partnership is part of the intimacy equation. It relates to positive self-care.

If either person decides they need some space, compromise and respect helps show the love sans fear or insecurity. It is vital to have moments carved out for ourselves while in partnership. The beauty is a return to the other with a renewed sense of self and health; and why wouldn’t anyone want to indulge in this feeling and share it with their person?

I am a certifiable “I need alone time” queen, I admit. I believe it to be a powerful recharge of energy and spirit.

I also feel that whenever one person in the relationship doesn’t know where they end or the other begins, too much dependence has taken over, and balancing it out with time away to process and breathe and feel whole again is the answer. It takes healthy communication and genuine intimacy to know when to sneak away for however long and regain some sense of self through caring body, mind, and soul rituals. If I’m overwhelmed or feeling suffocated, I need a time out for a few hours—sometimes even a whole day—to come back to center. When the partner expresses the same need, it’s important to listen and move forward from that exchange of words.

A small internal checklist might help to create the stabilization within the coupling. Or better yet, write things down that matter and why. Both partners might be able to reveal their deepest desires when emotions are spilled out onto paper, read aloud to each other, then discussed.

Why do I need time away?

This is primarily the first question to ask ourselves when considering alone time. Has some aspect of the relationship become too much and we need to get a grip? Or is it simply the healthiest option to ensure that our togetherness never suffers from being overly dependent?

When is the best moment to bring up our reasons for needing alone time?

Now that you are aware of the need for being alone, timing is everything. If either of you has had a difficult day, sharing/venting those feelings about things not being so great is an excellent antidote—yet, offering to step away isn’t the answer. It relates to more of a “running” mentality.

Things aren’t always going to be hunky dory 24/7, so reading your partner and choosing the best time to be alone has to be tops in communication.

What choices (and where) can the balancing between these two dynamics take place?

After the discussions between each partner are loving and respectful—both giving and receiving through ears, lips and heart—then it’s a good idea to decide what that “alone” time will look like.

If you have been together for a long time, it might be an easier transition to carve out the space, because (hopefully) the communication between both partners is solid and loyal. If it’s a dating situation, or a newly-minted relationship, then etching out the moments of being alone have to include what passions and purpose, and “who we are” characteristics of each person. If one partner is more logical, they might choose a venue of mental stimulation, or hours spent where their brain can be satisfied. If the other partner is dream-laden and living in the clouds, walks in nature, creative pursuits, and simple stillness might be the answer. There are no perfect choices of where spending alone time happens; it’s simply a matter of making it happen.

A balancing act between two people is perhaps one of the greatest ways to foster a healthy relationship. Since we are all so unique in our habits and desires, the bridge to coordinate and communicate will look very different for each couple. The beauty being that two hearts’ needs and desires are respected and cherished.

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About the Author:

Gerry Ellen Gerry Ellen

Gerry Ellen is an author, creative storyteller, and wellness advocate. She enjoys sharing her experiences of life, love, and all things meaningful and healthy through words and images. She is a regular contributor to MeetMindful, Be You Media Group, Tattooed Buddha, and Rebelle Society. As a former featured columnist on elephant journal and Light Workers World, she considers her love of nature and the outdoors, heart-centered connections, friends and family, and traveling to explore and expand as the epicenter of her world. She is extremely driven with her service work through 8 Paws Wellness with her dog, Scout. Gerry Ellen has authored and published two books, Ripple Effects (March 2012) and A Big Piece of Driftwood (April 2014), which are both available on Amazon.com

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