in: Dating & Relationships

When Conscious Singles & “Normal” Folk Collide: A Dating Guide

Shannon Lagasse

As conscious singles, we may have surprisingly rigid expectations for our ideal partner. But dating “normal” might not be as crazy as you make it out to be. 


There’s a question floating around conscious communities full of spiritual people, and that question is: Can you ever date someone who’s normal?

And by “normal” I mean status quo. They might work a regular 9-5 job, pay their taxes, and dream of a large house, nice car, and 2.5 kids plus dog. They might watch football at the bar with their buddies or enjoy shopping with their girlfriends on the weekends. 

These individuals also tend to value family. Flesh of my flesh and all that. They celebrate holidays with gifts and enormous quantities of food. They squabble with siblings and go on family vacations.

They often live in one place for years, keep a solid and steady job, and aim to build up a pension or 401k.

These “normal” people may seem so radically different from the adventurers, explorers, and new age hippies of the conscious communities. The millenials who value happiness and freedom over job security and a steady paycheck. The folks who would rather spend time discussing the nature of our existence over sports or politics, voting with their dollar over their ballot.

Yet there is overlap. There are places we (happily and willingly) meet in the middle to agree and abide together. Sometimes that meeting place can even be romantic

So in answer to this curious question of whether conscious singles and normal people can ever mingle in the dating world, I’d hazard a yes.

Here are some thoughts to consider if you find yourself on either end of this spectrum. You just might want to give romance a chance. 

1. You won’t agree on everything.

This is normal for all couples. You might not be able to decide whose parents to visit during the holidays, or if you even want to celebrate the holidays at all. Aim for conscious communication in these situations. Let both parties state their wants and their reasoning. Aim to respect both sides, and see if you can settle on a compromise. If you can’t, this is probably not the relationship for you. Never settle by sacrificing your desires in order to be together.

2. Share your values.

If you’re pro-life, pro-gay marriage, anti-military, anti-guns, and they’re, well… not those things, you’ve got a conflict of core beliefs. There are people out there who may or may not share your views, but share the same core beliefs. Seek to look beyond the surface of what you’re seeing and hearing. Don’t write someone off for a difference in opinion. Ask for their reasoning. You may find an opportunity to share your wisdom or discover that they have a good reason underlying their stance.

3. Drop the ego.

If I had a dollar for every time a self-proclaimed spiritual, new age person talked shit about “normal” people and how unenlightened they are, I’d be a fucking millionaire. Which would be awesome, but that’s besides the point.

Your views on life don’t mean anything. Really, they don’t. They don’t make you a better person. They don’t make someone else worse, for that matter. They’re just thoughts, and thoughts aren’t really real. They’re made up—invented—in our minds. So before you get on your high horse thinking your Average Joe isn’t good enough for you, check yourself. That mentality means you’ve still got a great deal of personal work to tend to.

4. Enjoy your time together.

Do you share similar hobbies and passions? Can you go out and enjoy yourselves together? Or does it seem like you have absolutely nothing in common? The answers to these questions indicate compatibility. Intimate relationships should be fundamentally built from friendships. If you can’t enjoy spending time together, you’re better off without them.

5. You might balance each other out.

Consider that the duality existing in your relationship may be perfect. I once dated a guy who did everything really slowly. As someone who grew up in a busy city, that was annoying as fuck. I thought he was just being lazy. In reality, it was an opportunity for me to grow in mindfulness. It taught me to slow down, have fun, and be more patient. Life is not a race. Imagine what life would be like without the lessons your partner is teaching you.

6. Seek to grow together.

Consider that your partner may be different by happenstance and not by choice. If they are open to learning and growing, exploring new ways of communicating and relating, the relationship could hold enormous potential for you both. Likewise, if you yourself are open to exploring… who knows what revelations are on the horizon. One of my most recent relationships was like this. The struggles I faced in helping this guy face his fears, move forward in life, and go after his dreams taught me a lot about myself. And I know he really valued our time together as well and learned a lot from it. 

7. Look to the future.

Can you journey forward together? Could being with this person support your highest good, evolvement, and growth? Or would it cause you to stay stuck? Sometimes relationships with “normal” people are like a chance to chill out and feel “normal” ourselves. No pressure to consciously communicate, no pressure to keep seeking the deeper meaning to your present circumstances. You can just BE. And, God, that feels SO GOOD sometimes. But ask yourself: Is this serving me, or is this an escape?

Lastly, know that you can never make the wrong choice. If it works out, awesome. Super happy for you. And if it doesn’t, well, you learned something new and on to bigger and better things, right?

Relationships, like life, are all about perspective. There is no right or wrong. Just listen to your gut, make a choice, and see it through.

[image: via shutterstock]

About the Author:

Shannon Lagasse Shannon Lagasse

Shannon Lagasse is a coach, writer, author, speaker, and teacher. Her main passion is helping people overcome the stumbling blocks to getting the life, love, and body they want. Her most recent book “Why Can’t You Just Eat?” about understanding the mindset of eating disorders was an Amazon #1 bestseller. When she’s not writing another book, you can find Shannon reading or enjoying the great outdoors. Visit Shannon online at HungerforHappiness.com, or connect with her on Facebook or Twitter.

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