in: Dating & Relationships

Can We Cultivate Sexual Chemistry in a Relationship?

Tracee Dunblazier

We tend to think sexual chemistry happens naturally, without much intervention. Sometimes we need to help things along, though—and there’s no harm in that.


The answer is a loud resounding yes.

People are sexually attracted to one another for many reasons: because their DNA is compatible (chemistry), they are emotionally open, they perceive power and seek dominance, or maybe they just like each other. Whatever the case may be, if you’ve found someone you really like but the sexual attraction doesn’t seem to be there, don’t fret.

As an empath, I experience a lot of emotion—emotions of my own and those of others. When a person is in an emotional place, what it means is they are open for giving and receiving energy. This energy flow is centered in the second Chakra (human energy field portal) which governs the sexual organs and where Chi (Universal Life Force) enters the body. Although it appears a person may be sexually attracted to you, they could just be emotionally open. Conversely, if a person appears interested but not sexually attracted, it could be because they are emotionally shut down.

There are several components to sexual attraction and throughout the life of a relationship they will all be tested, cultivated, expanded, and contracted as is the way of life force. Below are a few things to think about when in the need of some cultivation. But, while you are reflecting on these things, don’t worry: be happy.

Trust

Trust is the number one factor in a balanced, loving, sexual relationship. There are two kinds of trust: emotional and physical. Emotionally trusting another relies on your ability to trust yourself. Too, in the face of your own vulnerability, know you are safe, whole, and lovable above all things. You must be able to know and love yourself first so your response to your mate’s possible immaturity or mis-deed is compassion and reestablishing boundaries. On the other side of this?

Being Emotionally Trustworthy

This means when your friend or lover reveals something precious to them, you receive it without judgement and with kindness, sensitivity, and compassion. And, whatever you do, don’t use it in a fight with them later. Of course physical trust is fairly self-explanatory. It means people need to feel physically safe in order to have all of the other components you’ll see below.

Relaxation

Many folks experience daily stressors and anxieties and while for some sex may be a stress reliever, for many it is not. The biggest aphrodisiac in a relationship is kindness and care—paying attention to your partner’s needs and desires, listening to them when they speak, responding to their subtle bids for attention, helping them get or resolve what they need in order to relax. Understand sexual interaction happens as a result of many subtle emotional connections over a period of time.

Patience

For the average person, sex won’t happen without patience. I clarify “the average person” as it deems mentioning there are a lot of extraordinary people out there with sexual proclivities too numerous to mention. But, guaranteed, all of them have their sexual habits rooted in their emotional balance and openness—the way they have been treated and their personal experiences in relationship. Everyone comes with a past and having success in dating and cultivating sexual attraction rely on your ability to be patient, open, and understanding of what someone has gone through before you met them.

Intimacy

Intimacy requires a bit of everything mentioned above in addition to a little love added in. While love doesn’t need to be present for sex to happen, it is a major component of true intimacy. A person who is good to themselves will have the capacity to be good to you and vice versa. Intimacy is connection, comfort, trust, closeness, joy, understanding, and acknowledgement. You cultivate intimacy by doing all of those things.

I’d like to share a story of all the things not to do in an interaction with a prospective date, lover, or mate.

Last week I met a guy on a dating app. He was cute, and appeared smart, funny, successful, and charming. As the instant message conversation continued, evidently he’d used a fake name for his profile (issues with trust). Continuing our conversation, he began to tell me he was non-traditional in dating. That the women he dated, he expected for them to pay their way, otherwise he thought they were weak and selfish. If for some reason he decided to pay the check, he would have sex (not the word he used) with them “like the prostitutes they were.” At this point, I suggested he had a lot more on his heart than paying the check, and wished him luck.

Of course, I don’t need to point out to you his lack of fitness for dating or cultivation of a rewarding sexual connection. However, if you should run into a person like this, your ability to know and embrace your worth and not allow his/her demeanor to change you, shows yours.

About the Author:

Tracee Dunblazier Tracee Dunblazier

Tracee Dunblazier, GC-C, CCDC, spiritual empath, shaman, educator, author and speaker is based in Los Angeles, California. Tracee specializes in grief counseling, energy dynamics, Shamanic healing, past life and soul recovery, transition strategy, addiction transformation, and space clearings. In 2015, Tracee founded GoTracee Publishing LLC and BeASlayer.com to publish a new hybrid of self-help, memoir, and spiritual book to access a wider audience of spiritual seekers. As a multi-sensitive, Tracee blends information that she receives intuitively with different modalities to create a unique healing plan for every client. Every session is focused on freeing the client from their presenting issue to release, empower, and heal – no matter what the condition. Tracee’s compassionate, humorous, down-to-earth style supports and empowers clients as tender topics are addressed during the session. An accomplished author, Tracee has written two books on the topic of personal soul excavation and deep healing from soul to body. Book one: The Demon Slayer's handbook: A Practical Guide to Mastering Your Inner World addresses inner mental, emotional, and spiritual mastery through self-awareness and spirit guide communication. Book two: The Demon Slayer's handbook: A Practical Guide to Self- Healing and Unconditional Love empowers cultural awareness and understanding through looking at the concept of past lives and soul imprints. Tracee’s published articles cover many subjects related to spirituality and relationships while her blog breaks down current events and daily energy dynamics that everyone experiences. Tracee’s been a guest on many prominent television and radio programs informing others about spirituality and sacred ritual practices. Tracee teaches workshops, webinars, and offers two online courses on the DailyOm.com. As well as speaking engagements touching on subjects like grief, death & dying, unconditional love, self- acceptance, and healing. Contact Tracee at TraceeDunblazier.com

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