in: Dating & Relationships

Cultivating Chemistry: Can We Go From “OK” to “Hell Yes”?

Kacey Mya Bradley

What’s the secret to an intimacy boost? Check out these straightforward (and scientific!) methods for cultivating chemistry with a love interest.


Finding a spark and romantic connection with someone may seem like an elusive and unpredictable endeavor, but it doesn’t have to be that way. There are straightforward (even scientific) ways to cultivate chemistry with a current love interest.

Here are three ways to shift from just simple “okay” chemistry to a “hell yes!”:

Use Evolution to Your Benefit 

Humans are mammals after all, we’ve evolved over thousands of years—so you can harness evolution to up a relationship’s chemistry. This means appealing to our animal instincts of “survival of the fittest.” You know, Charles Darwin’s theory where those in a species who are best adapted will survive and procreate to make the next generation.

We don’t always think about tapping into these base instincts, but they are still very much present in our subconscious.

When it comes to women looking for a suitable partner, early on in our evolution, it once meant seeking a strong caveman to protect his kin and provide food. Now, it’s characteristics that improve competitiveness in the business world—like an ability to cooperate, be kind, have compassion and an open-mind. Partners who can show these features will appeal to a woman’s evolution. Believe it or not, these attributes can be implied with quality clothing and color coordination; this shows the potential partner has good taste and is a strategic thinker.

In the case of heterosexual men, their evolution directs them toward women who display features that will make them good mothers. I’m not talking her demonstrating that she is a good cook or knows how best to organize a household, it is way more primal than that. To up a man’s attraction and chemistry towards a partner, he needs to know she would be a good carrier for a baby. Subconsciously, men look for indicators that show evidence of this, including long shiny hair, which shows signs of good health and ample breasts, which indicate high estrogen (and therefore, that the woman is impregnable).

It may seem like as a species we’ve evolved beyond our animal instincts and ways, but some aspects of our nature are simply hardwired. It isn’t about being superficial—it’s just the way our brains and bodies evolved. Instead of fighting against it, we can harness these instincts to boost attraction between a couple. 

Put Neuroscience to Work

The chemicals that flow around men and women’s bodies can help literally create chemistry.

When dating, it’s important to experience a rush of the bonding chemical if you want your love interest to feel chemistry with you. The secret is the chemical called oxytocin. It’s been shown to be associated with building healthy psychological connections and boundaries with others.

People may experience a release of this chemical when a potential partner demonstrates desirable attributes. For example, when they are respected and liked by others or you consider their needs by assisting with their coat. These actions, though they may seem small and insignificant, stimulate the release of oxytocin, triggering feelings of warmth, fondness, and longing for closeness.

Oxytocin is also present during lovemaking. It is released into both men and women’s bodies at that time. It’s sometimes called the cuddle hormone because it causes a desire to be kissed and touched by a lover. This then promotes intimacy and bondedness. 

Up the Adrenaline!

Make sure your time together includes some excitement. It’s not about scaring your love interest, instead, it’s about generating electrochemical activity in your date’s brain. You can accomplish this together by watching a scary movie or going on an intense rollercoaster ride. A study explaining the reason for this was published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, which showed a solid link between fear and love because of the chemical dopamine.

The power of this chemical is real. When humans experience a thrill, an “excitation transfer” takes place, during which your date’s brain attributes the thrill to being with you, not from the activity. Our mind mistakes the excitement for actual physical attraction which can up your chemistry as a couple.

Finding someone you have a spark and chemistry with is not dumb luck, it’s based in science. If you want to boost you chemistry with someone consider these three logical approaches. They utilize and celebrate our humanness and may just take your “okay” chemistry to a “hell yes”!

About the Author:

Kacey Mya Bradley Kacey Mya Bradley

Kacey Mya Bradley is a lifestyle blogger for The Drifter Collective . Throughout her life, she has found excitement in the world around her. Kacey graduated with a degree in Communications while working for a lifestyle magazine. She has been able to fully embrace herself with the knowledge of nature, the power of exploring other locations, cultures, and styles, while communicating these endeavors through her passion for writing and expression. Her love for the world around her is portrayed through her visually pleasing, culturally embracing and inspiring posts. Connect with Kacey on Twitter and Pinterest.

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