There’s nothing wrong with compromise, but when a partner pressures us to dress in a way that doesn’t align with who we are… “Dear Alisa” must step in.
My boyfriend wants me to get all dolled up and “fancified” every time we go out—doesn’t matter if it’s to chill at a friend’s house and barbecue or just go have dinner together. He complains every time when I don’t do it and is always making an issue of it. I’m like, “Worry about your own image instead of mine, I’m fine!” He thinks I should always look like I spent a bunch of time in front of a mirror, but ‘ain’t nobody got time for that!’ all the time!
I always make an effort and it’s not like I’m in sweats and a t-shirt with matted hair, I might wear no makeup and throw my hair up, but girl I still look good! I don’t like wearing high heels, make up, and dresses all the time—getting done up can be exhausting, but he always makes a comment when I don’t.
I don’t care what other people think, but I do love this man so very much and want him to get over it and stop bringing it up. Excuse me, it’s Sunday morning brunch and I’m still in my yoga clothes…so what! How do I get him to seriously get over it?
Dear Free Spirit,
You are free to look however you choose and I see you know that and are connected to that, so wonderful! We also want relationships where we are accepted as is, in any form or style, in our best and or unsavory moments, but being loved unconditionally regardless. Being seen as the gorgeous spirits we are, regardless of anything else—especially external image, which is always susceptible to change and not infinite.
When we tap into the truth of loving all beings and connecting to their spirits, having zero judgements and loving each being as is, we are creating what we also want in return. Continue to shine in the comfortability and creation of yourself as you see fit, when you feel like it. Pick your ensembles according to your energy in the moment and how you want to adorn and adore your body, even if that is sweats and a t-shirt!
Your comfort and joy in how you feel in your image is what matters and feeds your soul.
Telling your partner in a very open and honest way—without condemnation on them or placing judgment—that them making comments and projecting their desires for you to look differently is harmful to your feelings towards them. Because it makes you feel like they don’t accept and fully love you, unless you look a certain way that they approve of. That you want to be loved unconditionally and if that can’t happen, you may need to find a love that encompasses that, a love that allows you to be you no matter how you look. That this is what you desire in your relationship.
This is his issue that he will need to understand and grow through, but this is his energy and perspective, let him know that most lovingly and continue to keep doing you! In whatever form or fashion that looks like; never change what makes you happy in order to make someone else happy with you.
The perfect “someone” will see you in all forms and adore you in magnitude, if your current partner isn’t capable of that you will find the one who is, I promise!
Your yoga clothed, brunch sister,
Dear Reader: do you have any dating or relationship questions for Alisa? Yes? Excellent! Send us a love note to firstname.lastname@example.org with the subject line: DEAR ALISA and have a happy day!