Your body carries all the wisdom it needs to demystify your first date instincts about a potential partner. Here’s how to decode your partner compatibility.
Meeting new people can be nerve wracking. Especially when you’re just starting on the internet dating scene. I think the web is an amazing place to learn to trust your instinct, be yourself, and be present right off the bat. If you’ve been single for awhile you know that in the olden days (when we actually had to go out and meet people) we could rely on all of our senses. We could see, hear, smell, touch, and feel what was going on with our date at first meeting.
Today you’ve got to rely on your intuition and instinct, and there is a difference.
Instinct is literally your gut feeling. Sometimes a pain or bad feeling in your mid section can warn of unpleasant experiences ahead. Intuition, on the other hand, is a subtle experience. Gaining awareness of what you think, say, and feel about yourself when you’re with your date. You’ve got to be honest with yourself these days. However, judging, transferring your issues, or taking someone’s “inventory” while on a date will ensure your lack of companionship.
A few times in my life I’ve dated from the internet. I really enjoyed the experience because it taught me how to be in the moment when originally, my focus was on fear and judgment. I learned to experience detachment and acceptance of others. I met a series of interesting people and everyone I met, I read within the first hour.
One guy was engaging in the instant message and email stage of courtship…but off-putting. He was “busy all the time,” so when we finally got on the phone I definitely had a sense of familiarity. In the first two minutes of the call, I said to myself, “what a sad sack”—and then (of course) went out with him anyway. As you might expect, no love connection there. His cup was half-empty, he was dominantly self-serving and used his self-importance to cover up his fear of emotional pain and intimacy.
I learned all of that in the three dates I had with him, but I had initially wrapped it up with a nice little bow in those first two minutes. It was one of the biggest lessons I learned about accepting people as they are and finding peace in the decisions I make from the information I have. If I’d listened to myself, I wouldn’t have gone on date one.
Listen to Yourself
The real meat of reading someone is paying attention to the subtle thoughts and behaviors you have while in their presence. Truth transcends time and space and the information will always be there as you train your awareness. Nothing says you have to overcome discomfort or just go out with someone to be nice. It’s important to be open-hearted but not compromise on the elements that you value the most.
Pay attention to these five things:
Your Initial Feelings
Paying attention to the subtle images and feelings you have with someone will give you a LOT of information. The truth will never offend you. If someone says or does something that offends you, it may not be about their character, but more an indicator that you don’t have the same values or the best compatibility based on place in life, age, or circumstance. Keep in mind these little emotional or psychic messages are your spirit’s way of telling you about your needs.
Your Body
Charming people can be captivating and enchanting, so pay attention to where in your body you have feelings. The lower gut is an emotional connection and may let you know you have similar emotional traumas. The stomach area is your personal power center and based on good or bad feelings can show you are supported, empowered, or in danger. The heart area is where we experience a compassionate connection and similar ideals. Feeling energy in your throat or head relates to thoughts, ideas, and communication. For example, if your throat feels like it’s closing up, you or your date may have fear or doubt in communication.
Your Thoughts
One of the harbingers of an enduring relationship is connecting with a person who makes you feel stronger and more inspired than you were. Independence always accompanies a true love. The two pillars of a good relationship are letting someone be who they are and change who they are.
Physical Responses
People who are being dishonest, either to themselves or you, will show you. The amateur will show an extreme emotional reaction—either in resistance or acceptance of an idea. The professional liar is a little more understated as is revealed through things like pupil dilation, nodding no when they are saying yes, or expressing some sort of facial or physical tick (like a nose crinkle or shoulder shrug when they are telling you how well they did in the stock market).
The Pace
If it feels like someone is moving too fast, they are. They could have an agenda for the relationship (or you) that has nothing to do with you. Remember, enduring relationships take time and people who are ready, willing, and able don’t mind taking it.
Your initial feelings are always right on target and will come in waves of intensity based on priority. If you have a dramatic response like sickness, pain, or anxiety, you may not be safe. If that happens, don’t worry about being rude. Remove yourself from the situation and get yourself to safe surroundings. You can take time to figure out why you’re experiencing it later.
Having a strong passion or immediate sexual attraction isn’t always a sign of sexual compatibility or destiny, but an emotional connection often with trauma as its common denominator. Once it gets worked through, the strong sexual feelings will subside and you will need a solid base of friendship to build on. Receiving good feelings of peace and calm when you connect with someone is always auspicious. Remember that all relationships take work and reading someone in the first hour is not to judge their character but to recognize any possible deal breakers. People are layered with rich lives and your instinct always knows who is worthy of your discovery.