The online dating world can open our eyes to could-be mates that we might not otherwise consider; of these could-bes, divorced men and women may offer a few unexpected comforts. Dating expert Brooke Lewis dishes on why she loves dating divorced men.
As a single woman and dating expert, I have had a great deal of delightful experiences dating divorced men.
Naturally, as we grow fabulously older, women are going to meet many more divorced men than we did in our 20s. Although there are still stigmas surrounding dating divorced men, here are a few reasons you just might have a delightful experience:
1) Divorced men want to make things right.
Men are, by nature, fixers and problem solvers. Whether repairing the kitchen table or planning a romantic evening, the male ego and inner child have a strong need and desire to get it right and succeed. Men often feel this need after a failed marriage and while entering into a new relationship.
I have witnessed this many times and men have openly shared with me that they would love to be married again one day and “make it right this time.” I have dated divorced men who have acknowledged that they spent a great deal of time building their businesses during their marriages and they wish they had been more romantic or listened more or had brought their wives flowers more often or had been more complimentary to their spouses.
Well, ladies, guess who benefits from those lessons? Yes, we do. There are many divorced men out there who have taken the time to work on themselves and their mistakes after their marriage ended and have a new-found commitment to making things right the next time around.
2) Divorced men understand the behind-the-scenes components of a relationship.
Ladies, as much as we love men (and, I really do), we want to acknowledge that they can often mature, grow up and find their way in a relationship a bit more slowly than women do. I believe that marriage teaches men responsibility, structure, how to co-define reality, what women want and how to put someone else before themselves.
I have giggled to myself and so very much appreciated the little things that divorced men I have dated have done for me. They have taken out my garbage, carried my luggage, taken my car for an oil change, cooked me dinner, talked about my day at work and brought me breakfast in bed. I have found that men who have been married are a bit more structured and familiar with the little things.
They seem to naturally have more of a routine and offer to do things that a lot of men who have never been married would not think to do for another person. I have dated many single 40-year old men who are super set in their ways, while men who were married before seem to have a deeper understanding of taking care of a woman… in many ways.
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3) Divorced men often have children.
I openly share that I have chosen my career first and never wanted my own children. I have many single girlfriends who share this choice and many who chose marriage, had children and got divorced. I have found that dating divorced men with children to be an amazing experience for myself, as well as my friends and clients who are now single women with children of their own.
In my 20s, almost all of my relationships failed because I chose not to have children of my own. I understood and respected the fact that most men wanted children.
As I have gotten older, I have loved dating divorced men with kids because it has taken the pressure off of me to have children with them. I have also learned that men with kids love that much more deeply. I have completely fallen for a guy or two simply by watching him with his kids and the undying love and support he has provided them. I have felt this love carry over to me, as well. These men seem to love much more unconditionally.
For all you single Mom readers, I think dating divorced men with children is a huge plus. Men with kids will understand your schedule, lifestyle, priorities and responsibilities—because they will have a similar life experience. So, whether you are flying solo like me and acquire a beautiful built-in family or you are a single Mom yourself and create your very own Brady Bunch, you are gaining a wonderful experience by dating a divorced man who brings a lot to your table.
[image: via Lotus Carroll on flickr]