Some standards we’re happy to perpetuate, others… not exactly. Sarah Frost gives a rundown of her least favorite (read: “dumb”) dating rules.

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Picture this: a two-year-old in her car seat, merrily riding along happily babbling sentences – or wait – she’s just saying, “word,” over and over again. She doesn’t know any other words, so she’s just talking. She’s never been one to let something silly like a perceived rule that words should only continue to be said if followed by other words—that is, words that are different than ones said just before.

I’ve never been a huge fan of societal rules. That story is my parents’ favorite anecdote for a lot of things that describe my personality—mostly that I really don’t stop talking, ever, when I’m comfortable… but I digress.

I just don’t like rules much—silly ones, at least. The ones that are important: wear a seatbelt in the car, brush your teeth every morning, never lose sight of your drink at the bar, don’t talk to strangers unless they’re cute enough… I like all of those rules and they make sense to me.

But society comes up with some really dumb rules.

Like the time I got a ticket for driving in the left lane of a two-lane highway when I wasn’t passing someone. It was midnight and there were no other cars on the road. That was a dumb rule. (Someone out there agreed with me, that ticket was dismissed.)

When it comes to dating, the rules are often equally arbitrary. Not just because most of my life is based around the idea that I will, in fact, someday have my very own fairy tale and rules about when to text, when to call, when to contact, what to say and what to avoid do not fit in that plan; but also because we walk away from good things because of silly rules far too often.

Three Day Purgatory

For instance, one of the most common rules we have for dating is that there should be three days between meeting/a date/seeing each other before texting. This rule is dumb. I understand the argument behind it. Three days could give someone space enough to see what they think about someone, to decide if they want to see that person again; but I don’t want someone to have to think about it that long. Especially if this is my person—my person will not have to weigh the pros and cons of seeing me again. They’ll know, because that’s how it works.

If you want to talk to someone the moment they walk out of a room*, do it. If they don’t say anything back, they probably weren’t right for you. If you want to wait a week to talk to someone because you’re more reserved (and less emotional) than I am, by all means, do it. Your person that you’re supposed to end up with will find whichever scenario your heart desires to be the right one. Because they’re your person.

*This does not mean text someone ten times without a response or anything along those lines. You will scare someone. That is a rule to be honored as it falls along the lines of harassment—and that, my friends, doesn’t go over well with society or would-be dates.

Gender Bender

I also don’t understand why women aren’t made to feel comfortable asking guys out.

I understand some guys like a chase. I get that. But I am a grown woman with a career, bills and a whole big, full life of my own—I can ask someone out. So can you, whatever gender you may be.

I like so many things about chivalry. I like manners and a chase, but I don’t think it matters who initiates it—just that someone does.

And keep those manners up to code—I mentioned I like the rules that make sense. Opening doors and a nice, “Yes ma’am,” make perfect sense to me.

When Fools Rush In

Along these same lines, that rule about not rushing into things is not one I like much either. Mostly because I am an emotional person and I believe life is best (and most fully) lived when done in a way where I follow my heart fully and completely.

Following a heart and feelings could mean moving to another city for a relationship. It could mean marrying someone after six weeks. It could mean never getting married and having four kids with your best friend.

I don’t know what it looks like for everyone, but I do know if a heart says it’s the right path, it at least deserves a big, hearty try. Those hearts of ours are pretty smart. They know us well—I know because those heartfelt decisions either turn into a lifetime or a lesson, and both of those things are worth rushing into.

No Re-Entry

Last but not least, there’s one that’s a bit grayer. I can’t tell where the “yes” and “no” line falls on this one. The idea that you should never let someone back in—that one isn’t always true, either.

People can change. I believe that with everything inside me. I know it’s hard work and people sometimes say they have but haven’t. As with other matters of the heart, it’s a gut feeling. It’s in your heart and you’ll know if someone has or hasn’t.

I’ve never understood writing people off—blanket statements that you should never date someone again, barring of course they’re abusive or toxic. That’s a rule that makes sense. Always stay away from that, even just a hint. That said, just because someone might’ve had to go through some things and go somewhere else to get back to you—I don’t think that means they’re out of the running, by any means.

What does this all culminate into? Forget the silly rules that keep your heart from being the happiest it can be. This life is far too short for anything but pure joy. Look for yours wherever you can find it—even if that means texting a guy to ask him out the moment he walks away from you.

[image: via shutterstock]