in: Dating & Relationships

How do I stop myself from falling in love too fast?

Shannon Lagasse

For some, we fall hard… and fast. But falling in love too fast can be overwhelming, to say the least. Here’s one woman’s take on this romantic conundrum.


“How do I keep from falling in love too fast?”

After spending a weekend on vacation with my new boyfriend, I found myself pulling out my phone, about to text my friend this question.

“How do I keep from falling in love too fast?”

The weekend was a whirlwind. Amazing adventures. Incredible cuddles. Stimulating sex.

We talked about future plans: Getting a puppy. Where we’d live when he moved back east. When we’d be able to visit each other over the next several months while he was stationed out west.

And at the end of it, all I could think of was, “How do I keep from falling into this face first?”

Because despite how much we often want the fairytale ending, we’re also scared shitless that it’s not going to happen. I’m scared shitless that it’s not going to happen.

Experience has taught us that the majority of our relationships will fail. We’ll try time and time again to meet that perfect partner. We’ll put our hope and our faith into each new relationship, with the promise that we’ll be together forever, only to have the rug pulled out from under our feet.

So when we find ourselves falling fast and hard, like I am, we ask ourselves that question: “How do I keep from falling in love too fast?”

Because more than we want that epic love, we want safety. We want security. We want surety. And we’re afraid that if we dive in too quickly, the plummet to the bottom will be swift and painful.

When I realized what I was doing—typing that text to my friend—I slipped my phone back into my pocket and chuckled.

Why would I want to stop myself?

What is love if not foolish and crazy?

We can’t guarantee anyone anything. Not a lifetime. Not the rest of the summer. And yet we do it all the time. Because that’s what love is:  Hopeful. In the moment. Strong enough to withstand life’s little curveballs.

We love not because we’re guaranteed forever, but because it feels good to love someone and be loved in return. Because it feels good to pour your heart and soul into another human being for a time. Because even if it doesn’t work out, at least you got to enjoy that time together, instead of being miserable and alone, closed off to love and relationships because you’re afraid of losing them.

And in that moment, I made the decision to push fear aside and love big. Love deeper. Love harder than I’ve ever loved anybody in my life, because he deserves it. Because we all deserve to be loved and to love full out, without fear.

The relief was immediate.

I hadn’t even realized how much tension I was holding in my body with that worry that I was making a mistake. Yet the moment I recognized and pushed aside that fear, making the commitment to let my heart do its thing, I felt joy surge through my body. I felt peace in that moment. And it felt SO GOOD to just rest in that state of love without worrying about the future.

Because who knows what will happen? This might be it. It might not. But there’s no sense ruining RIGHT NOW worrying about it.

What would life be like if you let the worry go and just loved big? What would that look like, and how would your relationships be different?

About the Author:

Shannon Lagasse Shannon Lagasse

Shannon Lagasse is a coach, writer, author, speaker, and teacher. Her main passion is helping people overcome the stumbling blocks to getting the life, love, and body they want. Her most recent book “Why Can’t You Just Eat?” about understanding the mindset of eating disorders was an Amazon #1 bestseller. When she’s not writing another book, you can find Shannon reading or enjoying the great outdoors. Visit Shannon online at HungerforHappiness.com, or connect with her on Facebook or Twitter.

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