in: Dating & Relationships

How Can I Tell if My Partner Has Genuine Self-Love?

We’re told to love someone completely, we gotta love ourselves first. So you’ve done a self-love self-check and you’re good. Woot! What about your partner?

The beginning of a good relationship is fantastic. Everything is new and exciting, you’re both finding out fun things about each other, you’re both filled with passion and butterflies abound. After some time, though, reality begins to set in. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing—it’s a natural part of all relationships. You can’t rely on passion and shiny-newness forever. Like an onion, the layers keep peeling back as you learn more and more about your partner and the way you fit together.

If you’re lucky, you’ll find that it’s easy for your significant other to love you and love being around you, but have you ever wondered how they feel about themselves? Certain aspects of someone’s personality can be hidden when trying to impress another person, after all, and it takes time to for one person to bare their soul to another.

Like any rational person, you want to be with someone who values themselves—self-depreciating people aren’t fun no matter which way you slice it. If the person you think you’re falling for truly loves themselves, they will display distinct qualities and practice certain habits.

Avoiding Destructive Behavior

This one seems like a no-brainer—a lack of crippling addictions in someone’s life is a clear sign of their healthy mental and physical state. Everyone likes to think they wouldn’t put up with ridiculous behavior, but love makes you do funny things. Relationships involving addictions are poisonous, but more common than you’d think—over 23 million Americans age 12 or older suffer from alcohol and drug addiction.

If your significant other cares about themself enough to avoid binge drinking, substance abuse, violence, or any other PSA-worthy habits, it’s a good sign that they’ll also treat you with the same respect with which they treat themselves.

Taking Time to Refocus

Some would call this meditation, others would call it alone time; however you want to think about it, taking time to refocus your thoughts and emotions is imperative to keeping a positive outlook on life. The quiet moments offer a refuge from a hectic workday.

Meditating can work wonders for your emotional health. It’s been proven to decrease depression and anxiety while improving self-esteem and resilience to adversity, along with many other benefits. Your partner may take the time to find balance in their lives and find a deeper connection with their emotions through meditation.

Maybe the mindfulness and personal growth they experience will spill over to you, too.

Staying Physically Healthy

There are countless reasons you want your significant other to care about their physical health. Practicing good physical fitness promotes longer life, increases mental and emotional health, and, quite frankly, it makes you feel good.

You don’t have to buy a gym membership or workout DVDs to maintain your physical health. A lack of the flashy signs of good physical fitness doesn’t mean your partner doesn’t care about their health. There are plenty of quick and simple exercises anyone can do to keep their body healthy. Walking up and down the stairs at the office and trying out some armchair pushups and desk squats are just a few examples.

Pay attention to the little things your partner does to stay physically active. A sign of someone loving themselves is taking steps to ensure their physical health, as it demonstrates great amounts of discipline and character.

Staying Mentally Healthy

Ever walked in on your boyfriend doing a crossword puzzle or noticed your girlfriend knitting for a few minutes every night? He’s not nerdy and she’s more than crafty—they’re also keeping their minds sharp.

Keeping your brain functioning at a high level is much simpler than you might’ve thought. Simple habits like journaling, practicing an instrument, and getting a good night’s sleep increase the brain’s activity.

Simple habits are easy to form and maintain, and, in most cases, they’re fun, so it’s reassuring to see your partner taking active steps to keep their brain operating at peak efficiency.

Maintaining Fiscal Responsibility

How a person spends their money tells you a lot about them. If your partner is constantly resistant to the idea of paying for your food or movie ticket, or if they never offer to pay for a dinner every now and then, it’s time to take a hard look at the state of your relationship.

This isn’t to say that anyone should be expected to pay for everything or you should expect freebies forever… BUT, if date nights are infrequent because your significant other blows all of their money on frivolous nonsense and they don’t pay their bills on time, it’s hard to trust them in other life scenarios.

Ask your boyfriend or girlfriend if they have a budget of any kind. It doesn’t have to be incredibly detailed—they should simply have knowledge of their monthly expenses and how that impacts each month’s paycheck.

Treating Everyone Fairly

Here comes the most important quality you should look for in a significant other. Read these 10 words carefully and take them to heart: If your partner treats people like crap, don’t date them.

The way a person treats fellow human beings says a LOT about their heart. For guys, it could be too much coarse joking, lying to women to get them in bed, or seeking dominance through insults. For women, it could be manipulating friends and men alike, using their emotional insecurities against them.

Observe how they talk to your waitress or the guy bagging your groceries. Do they leave a tip? Do they say thank you? If the answer is no, you may want to reevaluate your relationship.

Treating others poorly is a disregard for human life, and lifting up oneself at the expense of others is not a quality to be admired. Be with someone who values another person’s feelings and treats everyone the way they would like to be treated themselves. The way your partner treats other people is a small taste of how they will treat you. If they can’t genuinely love themselves, odds are they can’t genuinely love you, either.

About the Author:

Jennifer Landis

Jennifer Landis is a healthy living blogger and freelance writer who fuels her fire with copious amounts of English Breakfast Tea. She is an avid yogi, runner, and mother. She is a super nerd at heart with a fondness for Battlestar Galactica and Dr. Who. She genuinely believes that little indulgences, like dark chocolate or fandoms, make you happier person in the grand scheme of things. Follow her on twitter @JenniferELandis and read more of her writing at blog, Mindfulness Mama.


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