We’d all like to skip the discomfort of rejection. While there’s no opt out option, there is a little something we can learn from confident people.
Rejection can be hard; but it doesn’t have to break you.
Have you ever noticed how rejection completely debilitates some people while others stride right through, slowed maybe for a while, but unscathed? Even strengthened?
What makes them so special? How can they feel confident even in the face of rejection? Here are a few of their secrets:
1. Confident people let it sting… for a bit.
One of the key ways confident people deal with rejection is acknowledging what happened rather than denying it.
Ever meet the guy who lost his job or got dumped who proclaims things like “I didn’t need her anyway!” and “F this place, I was way too good for it!”
You, I, and everyone else know this guy is in denial.
On the flip side, a confident person tends to get quiet when he or she is rejected. They know it happened and they begin to deal with the rejection as they are already drawing on their own resources to strategize next steps.
Confident people rely on their resources in hard times; and if they don’t have a solution at hand, they are confident it will come to them.
2. Confident people take stock and learn.
Confident people make an assessment of what happened. Whether it’s a relationship or work issue, a confident person doesn’t shirk examining what part they themselves had in creating the situation.
Confident people don’t deny and they don’t repress; they look honestly at what happened to see how they can learn and improve from it.
Sometimes it takes until some of the pain has subsided, but taking stock of the situation and seeing if you had any part in it shows you’re not coming from a weak, victimized place, rather from a position of power and capability. This is the definition of resilience.
Confident people are willing to learn from whatever has happened. Small or large, it’s just another growth experience for them.
Sometimes the rejection is a result of simple bad luck or a bad situation and you really had nothing to do with it. The point is to take a look and see if there’s any way for you to turn negativity into positivity.
3. Confident people don’t dwell on things.
You likely know the old saying, “What you focus on grows.”
Find yourself trying to figure out why it happened? That’s the confident person’s approach. Constantly obsessing over why—and not being able to forge an answer—is by contrast, an act of powerlessness.
It’s common for people to obsess. The rumination itself can be a grand exercise in avoiding reality, and it tends to perpetuate a victim status.
4. Confident people realize that “it” is likely not personal.
This is possibly the most important marker of a resourceful, confident person. They tend to be able to see events from multiple perspectives.
Non-confident people, because they don’t feel in control, suspect that their bad fortune is the result of some kind of conspiracy against them.
Confident people, by contrast, realize that people do a lot of things for a lot of different reasons. Currents cross. Intentions vary and overlap. They most certainly do not make grand judgments about themselves and their sense of worth, nor assume that they are the cause of events.
When confident people stumble, you’ll rarely hear statements of despair such as “I’ll never be with anyone again” or “I’m destined to be broke forever.” They don’t confuse rejection with their personal value or sense of worth.
5. Confident people surround themselves with positive people.
They have a strong support group who remind them of their best traits and keep them grounded when life hands them a setback. Because confident people fall back on their stable of resources in tough times, maintaining their grip on positive creativity, friends, family and colleagues means leaning on those who surround them.
This happens to be one reason that confident people surround themselves with competent people. Legendary personal development guru, Jim Rohn famously said, “You are the mean of the five people you spend the most time with.”
Rejection or victory, setback, or surprise boon, confident people ride the waves of life. They stay objective, draw on resources, and seek next steps with a cool eye. And the coolness of that eye derives from the knowledge that no matter what life brings, it can be navigated with the skills and resourcefulness that confidence assures.
About the Author
Best Selling Author, Emmy-Nominated Producer, Screenwriter and Entrepreneur, Adam Gilad leads a community of over 80,000 men and women on their quest to create love and a bold, inspired life. Having served as a Stanford Humanities Center Graduate Research Fellow and host of National Lampoon Radio, Adam blends a bracing mix of research, humor and global wisdom traditions to help men and women break through the habits blocking their ability to open into love and freedom. He’s a regular contributor to Vixen Daily in the Personal Development and Inspiration section.