A separation or divorce can do a number on your inner sense of well being, but there’s help. Find the way back to you by keeping mindfulness in your heart.
Going through a divorce or a breakup is often painful. When faced with such situations, we may find it hard to have strength and positive calm; but it is possible to find your inner peace when going through the tumultuous time that is divorce.
To achieve that peace, though, you have to start by changing your mindset.
Most people might view a failed marriage as a failure on their side. Generally, though, it is a result of natures of the involved individuals.
We live in an age where inner peace can be difficult to cultivate if we don’t cancel out some of the noise and listen to what’s within. We might have difficulty understanding what we feel, figuring out what to do. As a result of this, we may walk around with a negative attitude or impartial frustration all the time. Moreover, when stressed out, happiness is seemingly impossible to attain. We might even get angry for no apparent reason.
Speaking of divorce and separation, specifically, it is a pretty stressful time that can lead to these emotional symptoms and more. According to research, for example, 77% of American Institute of Stree respondents regularly experience physical symptoms caused by stress, too.
To deal with the problems associated with too-much stress and to maintain your health, you will have to start by examining your inner Self and determining whether or not you are in peace with yourself. If you feel that you are not, try to follow these easy steps to find it.
Study Calmness & Acceptance
Divorce or separation can be an unsettling and stressful event. At the minimum, a major relationship is ending and every routine is disrupted. In the case of divorce, the midpoint of the transitional stress is the legal process you have to pass through. Add all the involved volatile emotions into the mix and your situation, sadly, worsens.
You have to develop a habit of seeing everything that happens from this point moving forward through a positive mindset—not a defeatist one. Life brings many challenges and this divorce is just one of them.
By cultivating calmness and acceptance in your life, you will manage to cope with crises in new ways and view them from a different angle. Meditation is the simplest and the most affordable way to study calmness. In the meditative state you may find answers to the questions you’ve been asking yourself—and it’s fine, accept them instead of fighting them off.
Moreover, by accepting yourself you’ll learn how to accept other people, their decisions, and beliefs. Contrary to what some believe, acceptance is not related to weakness and it is not a synonym of mediocrity or conformity.
It’s Fine to Feel
Apart from watching the division process of your assets—from your business, bank account, and home—you will also be mourning the loss of your partner. In this very moment, you might see your ex as unfaithful or an individual who turned out to be vicious, cruel, cold, or apathetic—a version of them you could have never once imagined—but at some point in your life, you also believed that they were the best. There was real love.
Accept all the feelings you experience during and after the divorce, including when the feelings relate to curiosity, frustration, and disappointment. The feelings are all normal, and you should be true to yourself. Accept each feeling.
Be sure to create proper boundaries for yourself, too, while you work through these complicated, often confusing, feelings. It’s OK (and perfectly normal) to be curious about how your ex is doing now that you’ve separated, but those feelings shouldn’t be fostered and developed into any sort of obsessive behaviors, like online stalking. If you feel you’d benefit from working with someone through this period, find a reliable therapist who has expertise in helping people with similar problems.
Reconnect with Yourself
The hardest part of the whole divorce journey is to be grateful for it in the end. Gratitude involves acknowledging the blessings and benefits that you have received or you are about to receive in your life. If you don’t feel like you are ready to forgive and be grateful, that’s OK. Start with flexing your gratitude muscles.
That doesn’t mean that you should force yourself to feel like you are grateful when you are not. Instead, take a few minutes each day to acknowledge all the good things in your life—no matter how you feel at that moment. Start with the small things, like beautiful weather and your favorite song on the radio, and soon you will be surprised to realize the amount of gratitude your heart holds.
A separation or divorce is also a time to reconnect with some of your goals. Take time to remember all the ambitions—whether in your career, health, or something else—but didn’t pursue because they were temporarily eclipsed by your relationship goals. The time is just right to reconnect with those exciting ideas that lit you up inside. It’s time to reintroduce yourself to that excited you.
During a divorce, it can feel particularly challenging to find joy and peace in the moment, but that doesn’t mean it will always be this way.
Remember the world is full of incredible opportunities, wonderful experiences, and (yes!) even future love, so be patient with yourself. Life favors people who embrace what life offers, and manifest the rest. To lead a better life on the other side of this difficult moment, remember to tap into that inner peace and incorporate it into your daily life.
About the Author
Mark Meyer works as the content manager for Spokeo. His field of expertise includes business and marketing. Besides, he is a big fan of psychology and self-improvement practices. In his spare time, he enjoys hiking and surfing.