We all think we’re there.. “I’m ready!” we shout to love! But sometimes, in fact, we’re not ready for love at all. Here’s how to tell.

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I profess: I’m an amateur at everything, even love (I know, so weird right?!). Love is the only thing I find enjoyment in writing about and yet… I still feel like a kid in kindergarten when it comes to learning about all of the different aspects of Love. I willingly admit I don’t know everything when it comes to love, and I learn it all as I go along each and every single day.

In my open acceptance of “not knowing everything” I leave myself open to always learning and therefore understanding that love is an ever-changing pattern of what I thought I understood perfectly one day to—well shoot, I guess I didn’t—the very next day. But the amazing part is I wasn’t completely incorrect, I just didn’t know the whole story.

And that’s how we’ll begin here:

Do you know the whole story of you?

Everyone comes with baggage.

Some have more than others. Some have a difficult time carrying theirs alone and others have learned to hire a monkey to carry all of it for them (poor little monkeys). The real question here is: do you allow yourself any time to actually take a peek at that baggage and possibly sort it out; take a good look at everything and consider maybe getting rid of any, or putting them away in a place it belongs?

If you’ve at least considered that, great first step! If you don’t even want to bother with that idea and instead increase your monkey’s rations of bananas, then please, don’t stop reading.

Do you wish to know the whole story of you?

Would you like to understand why certain people turn you off and others turn you on? Would you like to know why you’re constantly attracted to the “Bad Boys/Girls?” Possibly even figure out why, when you think you have a really good thing going with another person, you suddenly find yourself self-sabotaging the entire relationship because you “think” it’s going to end in heartbreak anyway so why let them hurt you first?

If those questions have intrigued you and you’re just jonesing for an answer, good for you! You are on your way! Just having the desire to answer these questions is the best second step anyone can take towards being ready for love!

For those of you who are dying of boredom and rolling their eyes at my cheer-pom-pom attitude… just keep rolling those darling eyes of yours. I got you.

Have you taken any steps to have those burning questions answered and eventually quenched?

Most of us seem to be in this constant state of questioning; recycling the “Why me’s” and “WTF’s” to our heart’s content. Just throwing them around like it’s Badminton in our heads and we have an endless resource of energy to keep it going. Seriously people… call a time out or something. We need to stop this cycle of self-induced torment.

If that sounds good to you and you’re actually considering buying that self-help book, or taking that meditation class, or going with your friend to that new yoga studio around the block, then DO IT! You don’t have to see a therapist to get the help you need (although, it’s always a good option to at least consider if you have the means). You just have to WANT the help and know that you’re taking the steps you need to find that help in whatever form it comes.

Once again, for those of you who feel you can “handle your sh*t” and “don’t need a yogi telling you how to look like a wanker” (actual overheard word for word in real life), just laugh and sit deeper into that seat of yours. I know you got it all covered, but read on anyway and keep stewing in your own mirth. I still have more funnies for your tummy.

Now, last question and most defining of all:

What do you want for yourself?

Everyone thinks they know the answer to this question, but immediately start thinking about what others have told them what they want for themselves. Try to sift through all of that and remember how you felt when you were a child dreaming about all of the amazing things you would do when you grew up. Are those dreams still the same? Have they changed or morphed into anything more fantastical? Is it something you secretly love but have been too worried about what others may think if you actually go for it?

Will yourself to delve deep into this question. Take as long as it takes for you to find the answer. Trust me, once you find it, you’ll soon realize that it’s been staring you in the face your whole life asking for acknowledgement.

Whatever it is, allow it to BE. Just BE. You don’t have to go after it, not yet. Just accept the new notion into your heart completely and know that that LOVE is YOU. And once you’ve accepted that part of yourself, you’ll soon find that it becomes easier to start accepting other parts of yourself—like maybe some bits and pieces in that baggage you’ve been lugging around. Over time you will find yourself with a lighter load or maybe none at all.

And that’s when you know.

When you’ve accepted and learned how to love—and keep loving—all aspects of yourself and the baggage you came with, THEN you’re ready for love.

Please don’t take your baggage with you into your next relationship. That’s not fair to the other person who did their work. Until you decide that you’re ready to take the first step and actually allow a deeper look at YOU and that monkey on your back, you won’t be ready to give love of any kind because you can’t even give it to yourself.

But don’t worry; it’s not that you’re unlovable. I still love that thick, stubborn heart of yours, and so do a lot of other people if you just open your eyes and let them in. We are all here, waiting for you to love yourself so you can finally see we love you too. Why else would we be here, snarking it up for the world to see?