If The Bachelor taught us anything, it taught us exciting dates get blood (and libidos) moving. Patrick King says we can recreate that in real life.

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Being immensely in touch with my emotional side and comfortable with my sexuality, I watch The Bachelor (a reality television dating show) regularly.

In my opinion, there’s really no bang for buck better entertainment value than shows like that. And of course, working professionally in dating and relationships, there are some startling lessons we can gain from such a show.

Primarily, chemistry can absolutely, 100 percent be created.

On The Bachelor, the participants are sent on some objectively crazy-ass dates with the bachelor. Against all odds and logic, every one of them ends up falling head over heels for him while proclaiming that their bond is indeed special.

So what the hell is in the air in that show? Okay, some of the culprits are the pressurized environment, TV crews, and amazingly high-value bachelor.

But the crazy-ass dates are what really seal the deal. Producers put them into fantasy-like dream scenarios where chemistry isn’t even a choice.

Just because we don’t have access to helicopters and great white sharks doesn’t mean that we can’t emulate some of those chemistry inducing dates here in reality.

Here are 4 ways to plan a date that she can’t wait to tell her friends about.

1. Plan Your Date in Segments

This has both a practical and chemistry component.

It’s practical because having a part of a date end after an hour allows you to evaluate whether you want to continue the date or even see her again. It will also allow you to gauge her interest by seeing her reaction to your suggestion of extending the date once or twice.

Chemistry-wise, planning your date in segments is extremely powerful.

Say you’re meeting your date at the dog park. You could part ways after an hour, or continue to the nearby ice cream parlor. Then continue on to dinner. Then continue to a cool bar that serves your favorite gimlet.

You know how women use the term getting swept off their feet? This is exactly what that does. It creates a veritable whirlwind feeling because you’ve essentially had four mini-dates in one night. This fosters comfort and familiarity.

You also get the chance to take control of the interaction and date by laying out the options and making the final decision on where you are going and how you are going to get there. I can’t count how many times I have been told that women love a man who can take charge and not be passive.

Finally, you’ll probably be walking at least in part from segment to segment. Walking is amazingly underrated. It allows you to flirt, touch, tease, bump, and otherwise interact in ways that you can’t when you’re stationary.

2. Activities Are King (No. Dinner. Dates.)

I could go on a whole rant about this, but dinner dates aren’t organic, don’t allow for flirting, separate you physically, lock you in for a set amount of time, force you to stare at each other, and create pressure to have constant conversation and banter.

Instead, make an activity the star of the date.

It’s a far more organic and natural way of conversing when you don’t have to make constant noise, and everything that the dinner date doesn’t allow, an activity does: flirtation, touching, physical closeness, fluid time constraints, and the ability to pick your conversation spots.

You can even just take a walk! As it happens, all of a woman’s sexual characteristics are on full display and showcase when she walks… so she will feel good about it, and so will you.

3. Date, Not Interview

You’ve finally gathered up the courage to ask that girl from that nearby office to have drinks with you… or finally scored through online dating. You’ve been blasting your pump-up playlist all day.

Then you arrive to the date, and it just gives you an ugh feeling because it feels like more of an interview than anything else. You trade How about you?s and jump from topic to topic in a vain attempt to find something shallow to connect on. Of course, this whole endeavor ends with you going home alone to an empty apartment and Netflix.

So how do you prevent this interview process and actually connect with her on a deeper level?

Simple – your life is a series of mini-stories. Think about all of the mundane date questions that you’ll be asked and prepare an engaging, short story about it. This allows conversation to flow smoothly and go in directions that you never would have otherwise.

How was your weekend? Fun! How about yours?

How was your weekend? Amazing, I took a drive down to Tallahassee and saw a car made entirely of shag carpet!

You tell me which one flows better.

4. Be a Little Bold

This is perhaps the principle that The Bachelor takes advantage of the most. Plan a bold or slightly dangerous date and you trigger the biology of love (adrenaline, oxytocin, serotonin, dopamine) and all of the benefits that come with it. Make her react with an incredulous “Really?!”

It’s exciting, noteworthy, and most importantly…

Studies have shown that when people reach emotional highs, they tend to associate and even attribute those emotions to the people and things they are with at the time. Therefore, there’s a good chance that the emotional rush and arousal that a woman might feel from skydiving will be heaped back onto you.

How can you do this within the confines of daily life?

• Thrilling dates like go-kart racing or bungee jumping.
• Unique dates that are novel and put you out of your comfort zones, like putting on an Iron Chef competition or a night hike.
• Dates that break small or inconsequential laws like sneaking through a fence into a hill with a great view or movie-hopping.

So next time you’re tasked with planning a date or outing, think carefully about setting yourself up for success. Chemistry is largely a result of the mood and context we find ourselves in, and that is 100 percent within your control! Plan carefully and do most of the heavy lifting before the actual date and watch your success rates—whatever they may be—skyrocket.

P.S. I officially do not condone breaking any laws.

 

This article was written by Patrick King in partnership with the Good Men Project. The original can be found here. 

[image: via Eric Chan on flickr]