You’re into each other, there’s no question there… but what about lasting potential? Here are six simple signs you and your honey are a good match.
After about four or five weeks of dating someone new, your mind will start to wonder whether you have found someone with whom you could be exclusive and build a real relationship with.
There are six key things you should have ascertained by this point to judge whether you are matched well enough to have a long-term relationship with them.
1. Your relationship and life goals are aligned with each other.
You should be with someone who wants the same things out of a relationship as you. So for example, if you want to get married in the near future, the person you’re with should want that too. If one of you just wants something casual and not too serious, and the other is looking to settle down, you’re setting yourself up for a fall. Ideally, you should find this information out after a couple of dates.
Similarly, when it comes to life goals, if your date is seriously considering major life changing-actions (e.g. moving to another part of the world or radically changing careers) to something that makes you feel fundamentally uneasy or does not fit with the vision you have of your own future, then it may be wiser to find someone else with whom you won’t have these issues with.
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2. No deal-breakers emerge.
This may tie in with relationship goals. If you want marriage and kids and your date doesn’t, that’s your deal breaker. Deal-breakers are anything that you know in your heart of hearts isn’t going to make you happy in the long run and will disturb your own way of life or aspirations that you have.
Everyone has their own deal breakers, and only you can decide what yours are, but signs of violence and substance abuse should be everybody’s deal-breaker.
Remember this, however great a relationship is, if you ignore the deal breakers for the sake of being in a relationship, you are laying the foundation for future unhappiness.
3. You share common interests.
You’re spending a lot of time together, so you should have common interests that you enjoy doing together, whether this be a sport you play together, watching movies, travel, the same type of food or going for long walks.
Ideally, you should have at least two interests that you enjoy. Even better, you may find new interests as a couple or discussed trying out new activities together.
4. Likewise, you share common values.
This is a big one. Decide the values you need in a partner and in the first few weeks of dating assess whether or not they have them, because a relationship based on values has the potential to last forever.
If you’re with a partner who does not meet your values and fails to support your own, then you are lacking the vital ingredients that will lead to life-long happiness.
5. There is physical attraction.
You should feel physically attracted to your partner. Sex will become an important part of your relationship and therefore you should want your partner in a sexual way. Attraction doesn’t always happen instantly, at least not for women. Women might take three or four dates to cultivate a sense of attraction, while men are more visual. They’ll often decide straight away if they’re attracted to their date or not.
Don’t get me wrong, attraction doesn’t mean your date has to have model looks, but there should be a desire to be held by, kissed by and a desire to consummate your relationship—when you do this is another matter, personal to you and your beliefs.
6. Overall, you feel at ease.
Finally, you should simply feel at ease. You should feel free to be yourself, express yourself, have no awkward silences, feel relaxed in your date’s company, and not feel like you have to put on an act.
So, in those first few weeks of dating, before you decide whether someone is the right match for you and whether you should become exclusive with that person, consider the above points. If you don’t feel you match on these key points, cut your losses and find someone that does.[image: via Thomas Beck on flickr]