Anokina Shahbaz urges us to take seriously those places we feel the most stuck. Make resistance your teacher and learn to accept love into your heart again.
Resistance.
The word alone is powerful enough to generate feelings of discomfort throughout the body. This steel wall of fear goes up quicker than the speed at which a hummingbird’s wings flap, often unconsciously without our full awareness. Our resistance to love is even more powerful, and arguably the one that is rooted in the deepest parts of us. But I wonder, what is it we are really resisting? What is it we are afraid of?
Pain.
We are afraid of getting hurt, surely. But what is underneath our pain?
There is a quote by Rumi I love (which ones are not to love?) that goes, “the wound is the place where the Light enters you.”
Our resistance usually stems from a place where we feel wounded. It is our psyche attempting to protect us from further pain. Resistance, just like any other reaction of our mind/body/spirit, is rooted in hurtful memories from our past.
Ultimately, what we are resisting is some aspect of ourselves. It has nothing to do with love at all, for love is a force that exists outside individual personalities. There is within us a wounded place that has not been tended, not been deeply loved and cared for. Whether it’s self-doubt, fear, loneliness, our inner critic, rejection, abandonment, anger, or something else entirely, there is a fragment of us we have not brought into the light to examine more closely.
This part (or parts) sits, mired in the swampland of our soul, turning rotten and polluting our chance at love. It undermines our ability to be fully present for another.
How do we lower our resistance to love? How do we keep that wall of fear from bolting up before we’ve had a chance to make up our mind about moving forward? If you find yourself in this place of resistance, here are some methods to ponder:
Engage in Self-Awareness
Whether it’s in the form of counseling, reading books, going to workshops, or simply meditation, find some time and space in your life for self-reflection. Create enough stillness and calm to allow whatever wants to come up and reveal itself to you about yourself to do so. We are creatures of habit, but we also need growth. Like sunflowers reaching for the warmth of the sun, our psyche is always reaching for awareness and spiritual expansion. It wants us to be whole. This is not about “fixing” yourself or even changing, it’s simply a practice in becoming aware of the wounded places in you.
Trade Fear for Curiosity
When we have this mentality of becoming curious about our pain versus afraid of it, we will approach it with a much softer and welcoming attitude. Become an investigator of your pain, research it with the same enthusiasm you would your favorite subject or your next travel plans. This does not necessarily make it easier; but it does make it more accessible. Begin to view your resistance, and what you’re resisting, with childlike wonder, examining and questioning it with one “why?” inquiry after another, then waiting for the answers to rise up.
Make Resistance Your Teacher
“Whatever you fight, you strengthen, and what you resist, persists.” Eckhart Tolle
Making resistance your teacher means you surrender your preconceived notions and past hurts and allow yourself to be taught. There is a lesson here to be taken away; a finger pointing you in the direction of your deepest path for growth. Ask questions, journal, take notes, study, come to “class,” whatever that looks like for you. The important thing is to change your relationship with resistance and listen for the truths it wants to lead you to. There is so much we can learn when we humble ourselves and abide by the age-old adage: seek first to understand, then to be understood.
When we find what we are actually resisting, our perception of love changes. Loving someone intimately will always force us to bump up against the wounded places we’d rather keep hidden. The longer we resist, the longer will be our journey of spiritual maturity. And should we find that upon discovering the truth of our resistance, we are genuinely much happier alone, so be it. No longer resisting love does not naturally lead to a fruitful relationship with another; it simply moves us closer to becoming more of who we truly are, more psychically whole.
What we choose to do after that point is up to us. There is much freedom found in letting go.
What if every scar was an invitation to heal ourselves? What if every grief was a veiled prayer? What if our hearts opened instead of closed up a little more each time they were broken?
Know this: the cracks in your skin and in your soul are beautiful. They tell the story of how you rose up and tried again. They make room for the light in you to illuminate. Maybe wounds are compasses directing us towards our work in the world. Maybe they speak the language of a wisdom we are forever searching for but never seem to find. They have so much to teach us about the places within us we rarely visit, the ones we need to pay attention to.
There is no reverence in suffering. No trophy for most wounded. There is only what we allow to come in and make a home in our heart, and what we choose to radiate out from that very same place.
Surrender your resistance. Let the Light enter. Make it feel at home.
[image: via slalit on flickr]
About the Author
Anokina Shahbaz believes every one of us is here for a reason, and it has something to do with realizing and manifesting our most authentic self. A kindness advocate and follower of the teachings of Marianne Williamson and Eckhart Tolle, she is a devoted student to the sacred art of self-discovery and creative expression. She loves the smell of lavender, Yoga, journaling, artist dates, and finding meaning in the mundane. You can find her musing away and reflecting on what it means to live an authentic life on her blog, snapping inspiration on Instagram, or tweeting it on Twitter.
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