in: Dating & Relationships

Loving Outside the Box: Why We Fear Our Sexuality

Guest Contributor

In a society ripe with dichotomies, there isn’t much tolerance for the middle ground. Time to step outside the box to acknowledge why we fear our sexuality.

—This article was originally published by our friends at elephant journal; we’re republishing (with permission!) because we love it… and them. Enjoy.— 

It’s a truth as old as time—sexuality makes us very uncomfortable.

So uncomfortable in fact, that we lie about it to our kids, then lie about it to ourselves.

This campaign to deny the unruly truth of our nature has won over the minds of generations upon generations. A cultural straightjacket placed squarely onto our humanity; a holy shame we proudly call our legacy.

All for what—a ticket to heaven? Social order?

The fact that we feel compelled to limit our expression by checking one box to represent something as vast as our psyche is sad, but also quite interesting. Interesting enough to prompt American biologist, Alfred Kinsey to conduct his famous study on the continuum of human sexuality. A study that found that most of his subjects, when honest, fell, well… in the middle of things.

Many things, as we already know, aren’t in fact, black and white.

The preference for seeing things in a binary fashion is rooted deeply in the garden of the West. Is there anything more dramatic and entertaining than polar opposite entities fiercely at battle? Republican versus democrat, good versus evil, Dunkin versus Krispe Kreme: the travesty of our political and racial tensions is proof that there is nothing sexy about finding the middle ground. It’s either one way or the highway.

Who has time to reevaluate their positions and seek a way that benefits the whole, anyway? Clearly, not the majority.

While a legal decree has yet to undo our universal horror of intimacy, last year’s US Supreme Court decision did uphold the legality of same sex marriage—it seems as though one group of sexual “deviants” have at last made their case. A people who, over the years, have been disrespected, abused, and denied a life of dignity have come out to claim their rightful place amongst the rest of us puritans.

And yet, as society slowly unwinds a tradition of fear, there are still plenty more people stuck in the limbo of sexual morality. The ones who are told that they too have something to be ashamed of—their unwillingness to check a box.

This article is for the ones who yearn to live and love without being labeled. For the ones in search for a place where gender and orientation are a byproduct of the love story and not the narcissistic protagonists.


Follow us to elephant journal to continue reading “Loving Outside the Box: Why We Fear Our Sexuality” and have a happy day.  

About the Author

Katerina Pappas is a graduate of the Institute for Integrative Nutrition and a member of the DC Bar. She is a wellness and creativity coach, focusing on the therapeutic power of expression, stillness and play. She’s convinced that the way to world peace is through Open Mic’s and playing thumb war. Her heart will always belong to the Aegean and in previous lifetimes she was a French courtesan, gangster rapper, my little pony and a spaghetti factory. Join her B.A.D WRiTERS CLUB here.

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