|Notes for the Future|
I’m a journal writer from way back. Some of my journals just cover day to day things: minor complaints, where I went, who I saw, maybe some juicy detail here or there. Some of my journals stop abruptly after five or six entries, usually due to some personal catastrophe unfolding that I just couldn’t deal with and didn’t care to admit was actually happening. Some are more like planners full of dreams I still haven’t finished chasing. Others contain my deepest ponderances of existence and faith. They’ve seen me through so many stages of life, I can’t bear to get rid of them, so I carry them with me from house to house, year after year. And sometimes I get drawn to one like it’s sending out a beacon to me, “Read me! Read me!” Until I finally give in and go sit down with Past Amy to have a visit about whatever it is.
A beacon went out this week, and I could not find the journal I wanted. It is smallish, red, and smooth with worn edges from it living in my oversized purses and book bags. I checked every old tote, purse, shelf, drawer, storage box, and random stack of books to no avail. I kind of began to panic. Had I lost that particular trove of important internal discovery and discourse? No. I knew I wouldn’t have let that happen. And where else could the beacon be coming from? In true “the call is coming from inside the house” form, I looked in the bag I expected it to be in AGAIN, and huzzah! There it was.
Now this journal is the one with the heavy ideas. I have been brutally honest with myself, audaciously curious about any variety of concepts, and daring in my declarations. For whatever reason, I needed to sit down with it and really revisit the messages past me had left for future me. Future me was not ready for realizing the ultimate message of the whole exercise, which was, “You haven’t learned anything, have you?” Because I was writing then about the same issues and problems I am experiencing now.
I know part of that is because I use journaling like an information download. If I get it out on to the paper, it frees up more space in my brain (and my heart?). That allows me to move forward the next day with fewer worries, because I’ve left it in a book to be dealt with later. But the disconcerting realization that I haven’t REALLY dealt with much in the grand scheme of things is…well, disconcerting.
Then it hit me. I can recognize the stories in my journals for what they are: a reminder—a lesson learned that I needed to hear again. I can be frustrated with myself for not seeing it as Future Amy, but look! I left myself notes!
I’ll share a few of these notes that were calling out to me from the little red journal:
We are all souls on a path to greater knowing by way of living this experience on Earth. It is the great equalizer to remember that and keep it at heart. I need to start seeing people as souls instead of bodies, including myself. That’s not to say that bodies aren’t important because they are our interaction vehicles. It pays to take care of them, as we are able.
I must remember my soul’s mission. My mission must drive my actions. It’s not as complicated as I’d like to make it, but until I fully realize that truth, I’ll feel blind to my purpose in this life (notice the word is “feel,” not “be”). While I am not blind, I can admit that I am unseeing. There is work to be done, internally and externally, to recover my vision, my mission, and my direction.
I have isolated myself to such a degree that I rarely talk to any other adult during the course of a day. Maybe there’s chit chat about insignificant things, but nothing requiring real connection or deep thoughts. That is, honestly, my own doing. But it’s not a lost cause. I can change that. I can actively take control of my choices and stop living by default. I can control my life if I want to, instead of waiting for some kind of vague idea of rescue. Maybe all the control I try to exert on my kids and my pets and my husband is due to the lack of self-control I have over myself. It’s time to turn that external projection to internal introspection and own my own shortcomings so I can overcome them.
The things I want to change can be changed, but it requires intent. If I go at it with chaotic tornadic energy, I’m not going to accomplish much. I’ll just spin myself into a new mess. I need to go step by intentional step to get from here to there.
Do you have any old journals that might be saving notes from Past You? If you do, crack them open and see what you were thinking about back then. Does any of it resonate with who you are now? Do you see any of those old familiar struggles still present in your life today? Are there any dreams you forgot to chase in there? Are there surprising things you had forgotten about?
If you don’t have any old journals to peruse, start a new one. The catharsis of writing helps the brain categorize events and emotions that we sometimes lock inside without really processing. If you get it on the page, you can always come back to it when you are ready to listen to your own truths in the future.
I wish you success in finding intent and direction from the well of wisdom within your own soul.
INSPIRATIONS THIS WEEK
We’re feeling inspired by these incredible and thought provoking pieces:
- The stunning new planets discovered in 2022, so far Scientists keep finding new, exotic worlds. See for yourself!
- The promise of meditation for the heart and mind. Meditation has drawn scientists’ attention for its potential to benefit both mental and physical health.
- Archaeologists unearth sprawling Maya metropolis in the Yucatán. The discovery comes on the heels of the contentious Maya Train development in the area, one section of which was temporarily suspended this week
That’s all for today, y’all – remember, taking time to focus on you is an act of love.
We hope you found this helpful – don’t hesitate to reply with any feedback on how we can improve future Mindful Moments! We can’t wait to hear from you.
See you next time!
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