You go on the first, second, and THIRD date only to discover she has kids! And you? You’ve never wanted any. Allana Pratt has some stellar advice for you.

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Question:

If you meet a woman and she doesn’t tell you she has kids until the third date, is it rude to stop calling her altogether? She’s great, but I have never seen kids in my future and I do not plan on changing that point of view.

Answer:

Forgive me my friend, but you sound…well…mean!

It’s not like she told you she was some horrendous murderer out on parole! She simply told you she had some munchkins running around!

Are you pissed because you felt like she withheld this information? Now it’s possible that you DID ask about children on date one and she lied until date three… If what we’re dealing with here is somebody who lies and avoids and shines you on, then you can bless and release her.

Done.

I get it.

However, if neither of you talked about this for the first few dates and you didn’t make it clear upfront that no matter what, under any circumstance, are you interested in dating anybody with children at all, then is it really fair to judge her so harshly? Is it possible that she simply really liked you and wanted you to like her for her… And discover if you were long-term relationship potential before she shared about her children? Is it possible she was simply insecure and do we need to make her so wrong for her fears that she’s somehow less worthy because she has children? Could we not have compassion instead?

To me, it seems like an overreaction to never speak to somebody again and to take it so personally that they didn’t tell you about children. So unless you point blank asked and she point-blank lied and now you’re point blank pissed… Please be more gentle and tender and kind, act as noble badass would, yes?

Give her a break that perhaps being a single mom is tougher than you think, yes?

I would call her up and take ownership that perhaps where you weren’t clear upfront of your deal breakers and that you’re not a match because you’re not interested in children in this lifetime and that you wish her so much success on her relationship journey. To me that would be the noble badass thing to do.

And if, indeed, she DID lie and you’re pissed because she lied straight up… That’s something to look at about why you would attract a liar. It could be because there’s a shadow lier part of you that’s being asked to be revealed and heal… or it could be that you’re being asked not to be so reactive to outside circumstances and stay in your kind centered noble bad ass heart as you navigate the dating world. That would be work to do in either case as you move forward on your glorious relationship journey to finding your ideal mate. 🙂

And for good measure, let’s send those children a blessing… Because they do deserve to see their mom in a healthy long-term loving relationship and they do deserve a noble man to show them what true support, reliability, kindness, and joy looks like.

Huge love, Allana