With a little self-work and a cleansing of your relationship past, you may find that your perfect relationship shows up exactly on time.
You want to plant a garden this year and in order to do so, you’ve got to square a few things away before you can reap the rewards. You’ve got to find the spot in the yard with the best light. Then you’ve got to prepare the soil. Then you’ve got to plan which plants you want to grow. Then you’ve got to tend to them daily. Finally, months later you can enjoy your bounty.
Oh wait, this is about relationships.
The same principles apply. In order to find yourself in the relationship you crave, you’ve got to do some work on yourself beforehand.
You need to know your priorities. You need to identify your deal makers and breakers. What do you want out of life? Kids? No kids? Traveling? Buying a condo in the city, so you can be in the middle of the action? Or settling into a small cottage in the countryside to grow your own veggies, and go days without seeing another human?
These are important things to know about yourself so that when you’re selecting your next partner, you can weed out the biggest issues right away. If you don’t want kids but this awesome new guy does, you likely shouldn’t date him no matter how clean he keeps his beard. If your canine companion is a huge part of your life but she’s allergic and has no desire for pets, perhaps she’s not the right girl for you.
This part is all about priorities, what you will and won’t compromise on – even for your soulmate. These are important things to know about yourself so that when you’re selecting your next partner, you can weed out the biggest issues right away. If you don’t want kids but this awesome new guy does, you likely shouldn’t date him no matter how clean he keeps his beard. If your canine companion is a huge part of your life, but she’s allergic and has no desire for pets, perhaps she’s not the right girl for you. You wouldn’t plant apple trees and hope to make tomato sauce from them.
You also need to make enough space for another person to enter your life, and stay there comfortably. This is both a mental and physical task. I’ve got an entire exercise on this step alone that I work through with my clients, it’s a biggie!
If there are weeds, rocks or trash in your garden you will not have enough room to plant your dreams. You need to clear away the items in your home that have the energy of old relationships and things that no longer serve you. Pictures of you and your ex need to go, gifts that constantly remind you of the past need to leave.
Keeping things that come with another person’s energy, no matter how beautiful or expensive, only take up the space that your soulmate could occupy. It sends the wrong message to the Universe, a message that says you’re not ready to let go of the past and move toward the future.
Another part of making space includes making sure that there is actually space within your space for another person (and their things) to enter it. If there is not enough room in your closet for at least some of another person’s things, perhaps you should consider re-homing some stuff. You don’t need to clean out half your closet right away, but having even a small part of it cleared sends the message to the Universe and to your soulmate that, yes, you are prepared. Leave a nightstand free of clutter, or a drawer in the dresser empty, small things that make a big difference.
You can’t bring your old relationship with you, and why would you want to? Leave the past right where it is, and don’t play the comparison game. If you believe that all men are jerks because your last few boyfriends were jerks, you’re surely going to keep finding jerks. You need to shift your belief system and be on the lookout for the non-jerk soulmate you dream about; seek out the best in others and you’ll find the best.
Treat every relationship as its own, unique entity and don’t let past experiences tint your view of the new one. If you’re comparing your new relationship to your old one, you’ll never be happy. You won’t be living in the present and you’ll constantly be analyzing the situation when you should really just be enjoying it.
The final thing is that you’re going to have to acknowledge and accept that this will take work. Relationships take work but if it’s the right relationship, and both parties are willing to work on it, the “work” won’t feel like “work.” Be prepared, take initiative, get your hands dirty and start working on yourself before you meet the soul of your dreams. That way, when you get there you’re ready to dive in.