in: Intentional Living

Q&A: How Can I Stop Over-Analyzing & Be More Present?

Hello Anthony,

I seem to be in a constant state of analyzation—the millions of calibrations that go on in my head prevent me from enjoying the moment more and fully letting go. I fall into downward spirals of second guessing, losing alignment of thoughts, words and actions. I know there is probably a simple answer, but I’m exhausted.

I just want who I am to flow out, to the point where I’m no longer doing, but it’s just who I am. Maybe it comes with more practice, but i just feel like its getting worse. How can I just drop it all and be myself again? What’s the mindset or course of action that I need and how long do you think I need until it dissolves?

Sincerely,

Colin

 

First off, remember that the best men are faced with old habits. They die hard. I know you are a thinker, but I also know you are an amazing flow-er. You’ve just hit a dirt pile, as I have in the past month. And since last week I’ve popped out of it.

Whenever you find yourself in dark terrain, remind yourself of the three facets to happiness and attraction:

  • Health (Mentally & Physically)
  • Presence
  • Purpose

Your thoughts are a result of neediness and possibly a stress that is affecting your present.

Presence is simply treating the moment with complete respect and love—making love to the moment. When present, nothing matters except loving everything around you. The most foundational social lesson one can ever learn is to treat each person in front of you in each moment as the most important person in your life. Anytime you neglect the person in front, you are disrespecting the moment, and disrespecting yourself—because you are part of the moment.

Purpose (in a social context) is bringing in the people that you are interested in meeting and furthering your relationship with the ones you have a unique chemistry with. That’s it. This does not mean figuring out a way to get what your insecurities are pining for—that is keeping your head in the future. It’s neglecting the present.

Even purpose acts in the present. Purpose is incremental.

When I escalate with a girl based on my purpose, I am doing it as a result for my attraction with her right now. If I was spending time thinking about what to do for later on, I would be disrespecting the only situation that matters: Now. Every purposeful move must be made as a result of your current moment. And when you are not immersed in the beauty of the current moment, you have no way to truly navigate your purpose to its most perfect level.

For instance, if I saw a cute girl across the room, I simply walk toward her (purpose) while loving every step of my stroll towards her (presence). My purpose and presence will naturally give me the perfect words to say. However, if I began trying to figure out the best way to approach her before I walk up to her, or if I begin thinking of “openers” on my walk over to her, I am not giving due to the moment, and thus missing out on the perfect words the moment has for me. I am trying to figure out the future when the future is busy preparing the words for its eventual present. The words aren’t ready yet! They will only be ready when I am there in front of her.

Again, any type of overthinking is a result of neediness. A feeling of without, when you are in fact completely “with.” The moment is always the perfect situation, so you don’t need to have any more. And your ambitious purpose is constantly creating the vision you have for your life.

Neediness and purpose may sometimes seem similar, but they are completely different. They are opposites. Purpose is coming from a place of oneness with the world, neediness is coming from a place of disconnection from the world. Your purpose can only be realized when you are completely there with a person, focusing only on her, instead of inside your head.

Anytime you find yourself in that downward spiral, remind yourself that you are disrespecting the moment, the person, and yourself.

[Photo credit: Darwin Bell on flickr]

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About the Author:

Anthony Recenello

Anthony Recenello is a private social development mentor for the professional gentlemen of New York City. He teaches successful guys how to get with the great girl they've always wanted, build a high-end social circle, and live like a stud. His company is called Wolf & Garden. He also runs Tales of Woo, a video blog telling the inspiring stories of New York’s successful couples.

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