There’s only one reason to be in relationship. That’s right… one. So let’s give it all we’ve got.
As an advocate for couples, I must share that in my own relationship, I bump up against obstacles and question our purpose together.
This recently happened on a day that had started out feeling incredibly crunchy.
One of our kiddos almost missed the school bus—and meanwhile, my beloved and I were in the midst of heated disagreement.
As soon as everyone got out of the house and on with their day, I declared out loud with exasperation, to no one in particular, “What’s the point of being in a relationship?”
With no resolution about finding an answer, I turned my attention to my own tasks at hand.
Later, when out and about, I found myself craving a trip to Starbucks. I typically go inside the café to order, but on this particular day, I felt compelled to use the drive-thru instead.
I placed my order, patiently waiting to receive my caffeinated treat.
Little did I know that I would be receiving more than just a drink—the woman in front of me had paid for my order!
The news struck me like a tidal wave—I was speechless.
The only language I managed to stammer to the barista was, “Wow! No way! Thanks.” And underneath my few words, another tidal wave was approaching, in the form of emotions.
Driving away from that window couldn’t happen fast enough. Just seconds after leaving, a sob escaped me and then the waterworks began.
I know—this isn’t the usual response to someone paying kindness forward. But for me, this had been the message I was waiting for—the answer to my earlier question had come to me, courtesy of the Universe, in the form of a Starbucks gift that I was required to receive.
Because really: who would drive up and decline the generous offer?
Through my tears, I saw everything. I recognized my resistance to receiving; I saw that what my beloved desires is my own happiness—and I remembered that my children give me purpose.
Every moment of every day, opportunities to be loved are presented—how many of these are missed? How blocked have I been?
This is the true purpose for being in relationship: to receive love—to have a front-row seat to live and learn the art of giving and allowing love.
When we stay out of relationships, the illusion is that we’re safe and protected inside our self-created bubble. Within the boundaries we have set, people are kept at a distance.
Based on our past experiences, the misconception is that hurt comes from the other person in a relationship.
The truth, however, is that the pain was sourced from within.
Humanity is so stuck in the belief that people and things outside themselves are the bearers of love. But could it be that love is always flowing in—and around—us? It’s the degree to which we allow this love in that determines our meter reading. Or is it that we are love?
Love is an essence; it is an expression, an energy and it goes by many names and descriptions.
We are all born as loving and light beings—the source of life itself is love.
God is love; the Universe is love.
As we grow older and become exposed to circumstances, environments and teachings, our own perception of love develops. Love becomes associated and entwined with pain and loss.
When life becomes an act of survival, love falls into that same cycle. Since love is the source of pain (we tell ourselves), could it be that its absence brings about survival? But what if simply allowing love in could eliminate the perpetual fight—flight and freeze—that consumes us?
Spend crazy amounts of time with someone.
Live with them.
Eat and play together.
Share the air.
After receiving my proverbial smack up-side the head from the Universe via the Starbucks drive-thru, I saw through new eyes. Making dinner for my family was a gift to their health and their enjoyment of the meal was an act of receiving my love.
Lying in bed, spoon position, next to my beloved was shared love—I get this every single night of my life if I choose it.
His warmth and skin are love. Our cozy bed. Our home. The cat at our feet. The mountains outside our window. The little blue planet on which we reside.
It’s all there, sourced by love.
Why else would we be here? What’s the point?
So, why are you blocking it? Why do you spend your days avoiding being loved? Why do you spend your nights scrutinizing the one who promised to love you?
Think about it.
People aren’t naturally malicious—no one is out to get you. Could it be that he made that stupid remark because he, too, has prevented himself from receiving love?
My favorite is “I don’t need love from another because I have self-love.”
My response is “Awesome! Why are you being stingy with it and not teaching others through demonstration?”
It’s all about perception; it’s about taking the opportunity to change your lenses.
My kiddo almost missed the bus because he was experiencing joy in his electronic game and his time in the shower. Who doesn’t love a warm shower first thing in the morning?
My beloved and I were in a quarrel because we had overlooked loving each other and stayed stuck in survival mode, defending our stances.
Lame—pointless, too, if you really think about it.
There is simply no good that comes from fiercely defending yourself in a futile disagreement. So, I may not agree with his opinion at times—but it doesn’t mean I can’t love him.
I can love me for my opinion and him for his.
Love is movement and flow; it is our life source—no need to survive anything.
It’s time to live with love.
[images: via Mary and Samuel Hearn on flickr]