Those three letters hold emotions, questions and taboos—our Sex Expert Erika is here to help you learn a thing or two to enhance your next sex-capade.

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Sex. It’s a word that instantly makes everyone’s ears perk up.

No matter how you feel about it, you can’t deny its ability to inspire curiosity. But look at our culture around sexuality in the United States: there’s porn and hypersexualization all over our media, and you know what the real secret is? Most people are so vastly undereducated about sexuality and sex practices that if they’re having sex at all, it’s not nearly as great as it could be.

One of my goals is to help lift the stigma off conversations about sex so we can have honest, open communication about what we want and how we want it—and increase our chances of co-creating incredible experiences with our partners, whether it’s for just one night or a lifetime!

As a Certified Health Coach, I help my clients prioritize and reach their health goals, but many of my clients are surprised to find that once they get their lifestyle balanced, all the health stuff gets so much easier to manage. But what’s lifestyle? It’s your job, your relationships, finances, your fitness practice, your creativity, spirituality and your sexuality. When you’re imbalanced in these areas, when you’re frustrated or starved of these things, it’s much harder to make healthy choices for yourself. And whether we’re solo or partnered, our sexuality is a big part of who we are as people.

Self Image

So many of us, especially women, internalize the negative ideals the media has for us. It seems like everywhere you turn, we’re being told to wax, shave, nip, tuck or augment some parts of our bodies. Dress a certain way, act a certain way, don’t act a certain way—how on earth are we ever supposed to be happy with our selves and our bodies? And men have their own set of battles, too: you’re too masculine, you’re too feminine, man up, grow a pair, but be tender and a good listener, ravish your woman, be fit and muscular and nothing else will do. Gain weight, lose weight. We’re all under a lot of pressure to adhere to the ever-shifting cultural norms.

But what if we let go of that? When was the last time you looked at your naked body in the mirror—you know, that body with cellulite, stretch marks, hair in odd places, skin blemishes or scars—and loved what you saw? When was the last time felt gratitude for what your body can do instead of condemning it for how it lets you down? And when was the last time you were proud of who you are and the life you live? For some of us, we may not ever remember that time.

Healthy Communication

Who were your relationship role models when you were growing up? How often did your parents playfully touch or cuddle in front of you? How did your “birds and bees” talk come about? Were sex, sensuality, intimacy, playfulness and sexual health topics your family readily discussed? If you’re like most of us, probably not.

For many of us, relationships and sex were two things nobody really knew how to talk to us about as we grew up (unless you were raised religiously, in which case you were probably talked to in ways that made you feel shameful or afraid of sexual expression). So how else would you have learned how to ask for what you want—in life, in relationships, at work, in the bedroom—without feeling shame or fear of rejection? Inability to express your wants and needs can stifle your sexual growth as well as all the relationships you’re a part of.

Sexual Health & Education

Who taught you about your sexual anatomy? Who taught you about sexual pleasure? Did you grow up seeing sex as something to be feared? Or did you maybe grow to rely on porn, romance novels or even romantic movies as the sexual ideal? Many of these things set us up for disappointment and failure in relationships and in bed.

Like any skill set, sexual mastery is learned. Our family and schools may have taught us how to read, drive a car or balance a checkbook, but most likely nobody taught you that pound for pound and inch for inch, women have the same amount of erectile tissue as men. Or that it takes most women around 45 minutes to reach full arousal.

Most of us were taught that our bodies just “know” what to do. And of course, our bodies do know how to reproduce—but learning how to master your own pleasure and that of your partner is a whole different lesson! We all have questions about sexual skills: how to get an erection and keep one, how to find the G-spot (or whether it exists), how to last longer in bed, how to actually have an orgasm, how to know which toys to play with, or how to discuss and incorporate different kinks and fantasies with our partners.

These are the primary obstacles my clients are typically faced with—and the sky’s the limit! If you want to learn more about sexual skills, overcome your fears and better express yourself in bed, I’m your gal. Just drop me a question and keep an eye out for an answer!

This is a safe place for you to anonymously submit any question you might have about sexuality, sex play and sexual health. I’ll take questions regardless of age, gender, sex, orientation, physical ability, race or body size.

Let me ask you this: just how curious are you?

As a sex geek, I continuously study from the top educators in the world to bring new techniques and information to my clients. And as the brand-new MeetMindful sex expert, I’m here to answer your questions about sex play and sexuality!

So what might you want to know about? Send your questions to [email protected] and let the sex talk begin! 

 

[Image: via icanteachyouhowtodoit on flickr]