in: Dating & Relationships

We Just Had a Great Date, Should I Wait for Him to Text Me?

To text or not? You decide to wait for him to text you, but do you really have to? We answer the standard post-date question once and for all.

Okay, so youve gone on that first date, maybe even a second or third. You hit it off and youre floating on a cloud, feeling hopeful and excited. Your heart is open and your brain is flooded with thoughts of possibility.  

But then, the post-date jitters set in. Your thoughts begin to sound a little like this, Should I text or should I wait an hour? Or a day? Maybe I should just say, ‘thanks for the date.’ No, I should always let the guy text first. I dont want to seem too needy.

Sound familiar?

Theres a lot of advice in the dating world about how soon you should text or call after a date. Many of these rules seem to follow the idea that if you show your feelings or express your interest too soon, youll appear needy or desperate. So, you wait… to seem disinterested. You may purposely wait to respond to a text to give the impression that youre not too into this. You create distance, when your heart says, I want to reach out to this person!

Truth be told, there is no magic timeline for texting. There are three reasons why it’s important to stop worrying about this and just text if you want to text after a date.

If you want someone who likes commitment and contact, then act like it. 

If your goal is to find a partner who is comfortable with communication, intimacy and commitment trust that its okay to expect this. There are plenty of open, communicative people in the world who will feel the same.

Think about it, if you arent sharing your feelings and communicating openly with a prospective partner, because youre afraid youll scare him or her away, then you may be giving off the false impression that you are okay with a more distant style of communication and intimacy between you. This will lead you into the danger zone of opening your heart to someone who isnt on the same page as you when it comes to communication.  

If you like frequent texting or contact in dating and relationships, its better to be honest about it up front. Youll find out quickly if someone feels the same. Wouldnt it feel better to feel confident sending a text that says exactly what you feel or think after a date?  It’s rather simple, just text when and what you want to text, and you will find out if this person is a match for you.

Being authentic will attract the right partner for you.

Being authentic simply means being you.” If youre trying to be someone youre not, by not honestly sharing your feelings or thoughts about someone or something, youll only be attracting someone who likes the person youre trying to be instead of the person you are. At some point, the real youwill inevitably be discovered. Then you run the risk of being rejected by a partner when you misrepresent yourself, simply for being you. And rejection is what you were hoping to avoid in the first place.

You must learn to trust that you are a unique, beautiful expression of a human being and there will be another unique, beautiful expression of a human being out there just waiting for you to come along. If youre hiding that expression of who you really are, it becomes hard to find a true match.  

Its exhausting playing guessing games!

It is emotionally exhausting wondering when and what to text, how to be and who to be, all out of fear that your dates approval depends on it. Our minds can put us into an endless cycle of worry, doubt and fear. Wouldnt it be easier to trust that its possible to find love just by being you?

It is okay to trust that the right match for you will respond to you with openness and acceptance of your text messages and need for communication. There is no right or wrong way to do this. The important part is simply that you know what you like and you have the courage to express it. Truly, there is only one magic answer for when to text, or how to do anything when it comes to dating.

The answer is to courageously accept that it is okay to be real. Its okay to be authentic, its to just be you. Openly express your feelings. If you feel like texting or calling, do it. If you dont like that level of communication, then dont do it. It is important to find someone who matches your level of communication and your comfort with intimacy in a relationship. Trust that you can be you and love will find you.


[image: via shutterstock]

About the Author:

Chelli Pumphrey

Chelli Pumphrey, MA, LPC is a love & dating coach and a Licensed Professional Counselor from Denver, CO. More importantly, she’s a human being who strives to live an authentic life, by being real, raw, and unafraid to express her truth. She is devoted to helping others live and love passionately by gaining the confidence to be authentic in their own lives. She works with clients through her relationship coaching practice and as a therapist and founder of Trilogy Holistic Mental Health, where she offers retreats, dating and relationship coaching and therapy. If you’re looking to boost your dating confidence, self-esteem, and become a dating warrior, you can visit Chelli at, Trilogy Holistic Mental Health, follow on Instagram, Twitter, or like her on Facebook.


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