in: Dating & Relationships

Why Being Single During the Holidays is Actually the Best

Chelli Pumphrey

Being single during the holidays doesn’t have to be a self-pity fest. Really. Check out all the marvelous ways your single status is a holiday perk.


The holidays can be a time of loneliness and stress for many of us. We all seem to get the “grass is always greener” feeling during the holidays, feeling like we can’t give enough, have enough, or do enough. Being single during the “happiest time of year” can lead to a lot of un-happiness when you get caught up in a feeling of lack or loneliness.

If you find yourself struggling with your single status over the holidays, shifting your mindset can help you cope. Who knows, you might find a reason why being single during the holidays is actually the best! Here are a few ideas to boost your spirits through the holidays.

You can be self-ish.

It is important to learn how to be self-ish, in the healthy, self-care kind of way. When you learn how to care for yourself, you develop the wholeness that helps you thrive in a healthy relationship. Find ways to do things that make you happy, both big and small.

A fun way to love yourself when you’re single during the holidays is to spend the money that you might have spent on a partner on none other but you! Buy yourself some gifts, wrap them up, and then unwrap them on the big day. Be indulgent. Be silly. Be kind to yourself. While I think we can all agree that the meaning of the holidays is not about gifts, this can be a fun act of self-love and playfulness that can help uplift your spirits.

You can embrace freedom.

When you’re single, you don’t have to figure out how to share time with two different families and traditions. You can do what makes you happy. If you don’t want to be with your family, or are unable for some reason, why not take a trip somewhere alone? (Or maybe you ditch the family even if you really love to be with them, but you need to be self-ish more than you need to be home!) You can create a new tradition for yourself.

You may not be single forever, so you can take advantage of this time to do whatever your heart desires, with no one else to please.

You can be your own date.

If you’re invited to holiday parties but you dread showing up without a date, take yourself as your date. You may even have more fun alone. If you feel self-conscious, try setting an intention to go to parties with an openness to be social, courageous, and confident. Own your single status. (And who knows who you might meet!)

You can surrender.

During the winter months, it is a time when our bodies and our spirits retreat and slow down. In a sense, we hibernate. Hibernation means your body may not have the energy to fight.

If you’re feeling down about being single, this can be a time to lean into the feeling of loneliness, instead of resisting. Find ways to nourish yourself. Let the holidays be a time of regeneration, healing, and quiet. Remember that just as the seasons change, so do our relationships, our emotions, and our situations. Nothing remains the same forever. Lean in to your feelings and trust that they will pass.

You can always choose a different story about your situation, and create the holidays that you want. If your story is one of lack, loneliness, or heartbreak, chances are, it will be a holiday season that reflects those feelings for you. You could focus instead on freedom, self-love, and acceptance of this temporary season of your life. This shift can be a powerful tonic to boost your mood, and keep your mindset positive during the holidays.

About the Author:

Chelli Pumphrey Chelli Pumphrey

Chelli Pumphrey, MA, LPC is a love & dating coach and a Licensed Professional Counselor from Denver, CO. More importantly, she’s a human being who strives to live an authentic life, by being real, raw, and unafraid to express her truth. She is devoted to helping others live and love passionately by gaining the confidence to be authentic in their own lives. She works with clients through her relationship coaching practice and as a therapist and founder of Trilogy Holistic Mental Health, where she offers retreats, dating and relationship coaching and therapy. If you’re looking to boost your dating confidence, self-esteem, and become a dating warrior, you can visit Chelli at AuthenticDate.com, Trilogy Holistic Mental Health, follow on Instagram, Twitter, or like her on Facebook.

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