in: Dating & Relationships

Tantric Sex Demystified

Tantric sex has a reputation for being spiritual, powerful and for the novice… unattainable. But this is not so. Check out these simple steps to achieve sexual bliss.


I recall my first experience with tantric sex. At the time, I didn’t realize what I was experiencing even had a label. It was what I had imagined “making love” to be. All my experiences with previous partners prior to this felt much more primitive and focused on “doing” as opposed to “being.” For the first time in my life, my partner met my intensity and there was a connection I had longed for which was finally realized.

Time seemed to stop, the world consisted only of us in those moments.

I recognized that this experience was unlike others I had, and I became curious as to why this connection was different. After some internet digging and bookstore browsing, I discovered tantric sex fit my approach and expectations. However, the articles I read made it seem otherworldly. Almost as if it was something formal and complicated that needed discussed prior to intimacy.

“Hey honey, I purchased the Kama Sutra today at Barnes and Noble, how’s about we try learning tantric sex and apply that to our bedroom repertoire? It sounds hip and trendy. You game?” 

I am sure that scenario, or a variation of it, has happened with couples. I’m sure that the stumbled-upon realization I experienced also occurs. Either way, there are simple ways to explain what it is, what it isn’t, and some straightforward steps to apply its concepts to your sex life. It really is quite easy and once applied leads to more fulfilling sex life as well as continued spiritual transformation.

As French philosopher, Pierre Teilhard de Chardin says:

“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.”

Intercourse emotionally, as well as physically, connects two people due to the release of oxytocin (the love hormone) in the brain. But it also connects them spiritually and energetically. With tantric sex, or spiritual sex, the focus is on the energy exchanged between one spiritual being and another. The body is merely the conduit.

“Tantra is the original spiritual science first taught in India more than 7000 years ago. Tan is a Sanskrit root which signifies “expansion,” and Tra signifies “liberation.” Thus, Tantra is the practice which elevates human beings in a process in which their minds are expanded. It leads human beings from the imperfect to the perfect, from the crude to the subtle, from bondage to liberation.” — Dada Vedaprajinananda

If we apply tantra’s concepts to physical intimacy, we can see how intercourse is a spiritual catalyst focusing on connection, awakening, healing and transformation.  

There is a French saying comparing an orgasm to a tiny death. During orgasm, the ego is stripped away from us, and we are as vulnerable and raw as we can be in the sight of another person. When we allow ourselves to be seen by another within a safe relationship, we grow in self-esteem and self-awareness. Both are key to our evolving in our consciousness and rising to our fullest potential.

Simple steps to apply when initiating this new practice to your sex life:

1. Go slow.

It is about the journey, not the destination. This is not a race to the finish, nor is it about “The BIG O” (some individuals even forgo orgasm altogether in favor of absorbing the sexual energy created). Pacing ourselves has major benefits; for men it increases longevity and for women it piques arousal. Tantric sex is best when the clock doesn’t need to be watched. The slow, languid pace is encouraged to build the energies within the body. So with that being said, foreplay is a non-negotiable and sometimes all that happens.

2. Keep your eyes open.

Have you ever noticed how communication texts discuss the topic of eye contact when speaking and listening to another? The same principle applies during physical intimacy. When we keep our eyes open and locked on another person, we can instantly feel the connection deepen. It is challenging to allow ourselves to be fully seen. Taking off our masks reveals our humanity and allows us to connect more authentically.

3. Engage your senses.

Your body is a tool to engage with a lover. Sex is a very sensual experience; sights, sounds, textures, smells and tastes color our experiences. When we focus on our senses, our mind is focused externally in the present. For women, this is a huge benefit so that we stay focused on the moment as opposed to getting trapped in thoughts of the past or future. Women must be in the right headspace to become aroused and if we don’t become aroused those desired energies are not created. Men are visual creatures by nature, and when they combine that with their other senses, the experience automatically intensifies. 

4. Focus on your breathing.

When we live in the present moment, we realize that the one constant in life is our breath. When we fill our lungs with oxygen we provide life and energy to our bodies. Take deep and slow breaths from your diaphragm, not your lungs. Deep breaths from the stomach send oxygen to the pelvis which prolongs pleasure and promotes relaxation. Practicing harmonized breathing is another way to fully connect with your partner. To attempt this, sit straddling your partner in their lap and inhale while they exhale and vice versa.

5. Be aware of our energy centers.

All four of the above steps are necessary to building the energies within the bodies. The human body is composed of seven energy centers along the spine, also known as chakras. When engaged in physical intimacy, the chakras from one body line up with the chakras from another body. The energies intermingle. Each chakra focuses on specific emotions. When one area becomes blocked, the energy doesn’t flow freely. To read more about chakras click here.

6. Choose your partner wisely 

Tantric Sex is a beautiful and powerful experience that I highly recommend. When we become intimate with a healthy, positive, loving and uplifting person whose chakras are healthy, that wonderful energy is absorbed and uplifts you. However, If you are intimate with a self-sabotaging, negative, unstable, depressive or toxic person, that energy will have you crashing down. All the more reason to not jump into a physical relationship with someone you do not know, and truly getting to know someone does take time.

About the Author:

Jen Moff

Jen Moff is the founder of the #BeMindFULL Movement which seeks to inspire and empower individuals within in a safe and like-minded community to live mindfully so that they find healing and fulfillment. Additionally, she follows her calling as the purveyor of Mindful Living, focusing on mindfulness, spiritual psychology and personal growth, believing transformation is not only possible for all, but a necessary and fundamental part of each person's journey. Jen's favorite pastimes consist of visiting Disney World, making lip-sync videos and creating homemade soaps that smell like your favorite foods. Hint...one of those isn't true. Connect with Jen on her site, via twitter, instagram or Facebook. To follow the BeMindFULL Movement on twitter, click here.

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