Do you believe in magic? We sure do! Use this extra-special formula to conjure the online connection you’re after. Don’t worry, no pixie dust necessary.
I imagine my grandparents, who met because they lived on neighboring farms, thinking that finding love at the bowling alley or roller rink seemed like a racy way to find love.
I imagine cave men and women, who coupled up after gnawing on the same dinosaur leg, baffled by the idea that anyone would waste precious arrow-carving time arranging a mate for their offspring.
And now we have dating websites for farmers, for clowns, for yogis, and beyond. Apps that swipe, buzz, wink, and block. Matchmaking services for seniors and for millionaires. And reality dating shows to get engaged to someone you didn’t even meet in the green room. All this, creating a 3 billion dollar dating industry dedicated to finding the perfect match.
It makes sense. Harvard did a 75-year study on what makes life most fulfilling, and the result? Happy, loving, relationships are all that matters.
This tells us we want our love story, and we want it wicked bad!
We don’t just want someone to breed farm help so we can harvest pumpkins to survive anymore. We are pursuing a soulmate—the one who inspires us to be better, challenges our BS, expands our minds, and is by our side no matter what the Universe throws our way. We want the spiritual, emotional, physical, mental, (and for some, comical), in order to have the most elevated life.
In this Jetson’s age, our desired interactions include both the cozy snuggle on the couch binging on Netflix and the sweet texts at work reminding us that our beloved has our back.
Eighty-one percent of the US are using some form of social media to express and share, so this means that learning to navigate technology to cultivate the kind of quality relationships we want in life is not a luxury but a necessity.
Whether you find love on a dating site, or bumping into your soulmate getting an eggnog latte, so much of our human interactions day to day are digital, and we can’t get around that. So before you unplug, throw in the i-towel, post a .gif of a monkey chucking donuts at a TV because you don’t think finding love is possible for you online, let’s talk about what works.
Here’s the M.A.G.I.C. formula for creating real sparks on line:
M is for Meaningful.
You decide what all things mean. Let go of the idea that online interactions are less meaningful than meeting in person. Decide that you are going to consciously create magical connections online and it will make a difference.
If you’re miserable online dating, ranting about the “losers,” or firing out canned messages to try to get someone to like you, it won’t work. If you want love in your life, bring love and reverence to your online journey and that will create the magic that calls in real love. Know that it only takes one single moment, one wink, or one email for your dream relationship to start, so anticipate that now. Online dating tools are just that, tools—but they have the power to be the miracle that links you to someone special you wouldn’t have found otherwise.
A is for Awareness.
Dating online requires that your emotional health is above the line. Putting yourself out there will bring stuff up. Any insecurities and fears that are lurking in your heart will be magnified in the online dating world, triggering even the most sensible soul into a crazy hot mess in an instant without the proper precautions.
Before you start dating, get support to do the inner work to clear the pain from the past, release resentments, cultivate the safety and security within you, so that you bring your highest, wisest Self to the experience. When you do this, you can be with your emotions and aren’t taking things personally, you know who you are and live your values, you accept yourself (quirks and all), you’ve forgiven yourself for your past choices and that is the magic that frees your heart and helps your person find you.
G is for Gentleness.
As in all relationship—online or off—most people you meet aren’t your special person. Don’t let this become a sad story about how you will have to adopt 15 cats in order to not die alone. When you’re looking for your exquisite love muffin, that one is extra special, that one is the unicorn in the pasture of love.
Trust that each time you let one go, you are getting closer to your right one. Don’t waste even one second ranting about people who aren’t a match or you risk draining your sacred dating mojo and giving up on the dream. Instead, choose to put attention on the people who inspire sparks of curiosity in you and you will win at love.
I is for Invitation.
Words are like a magic wand wooing in your lover—make sure your online profile paints an inspired, positive, and honest picture of who you are and how you live in the world.
Share specifics. If you write, I am healthy, that doesn’t say anything. To one person healthy means a bag of raw almonds and a wheatgrass shot for dinner, to another it means having extra pickles on a bacon cheeseburger for breakfast. Different kinds of healthy, am I right?
Use your words to show how you do healthy. For example, “I start my day hunkering down with my Vitamonster to swirl up an organic apple (from my own tree) and kale (from the farmers market) smoothie, Yum!” Saying this is like sending a gold-embossed invitation to your person saying “I get you!” and not only that, it’s a no-brainer to write you because you have something magical in common.
C is for Curiosity.
Let your curiosity lead the way!
Skip the small talk. Instead of writing “hey, what’s up?” which is like ordering a gluten free, sugar free, day-old beige muffin. Capital BLEH. Ask yourself, what am I wondering about this person?
In SuperYogi2000’s profile she writes “I love sushi.” Maybe you ask, “What’s your favorite sushi spot in the city? I love Sushi-ma-gooshi on Broadway, have you tried it?” Or write, “Curious, have you been to Japan? It’s #3 on my bucket list.” Or share a personal experience, “I love sushi too, wondering if you have ever wrestled with one of those bamboo roller mats to try to make sushi at home. I spent two hours sweating it out because the seaweed never lined up which meant rice exploded everywhere and next thing you know I was dialing up for take-out enchiladas! Ever been there?”
Playing with your curiosity about someone not only shows you are sincerely paying attention, but also reveals more about who you are and opens an opportunity for authentic connection.
If you want love in your life, be in love now by using this M.A.G.I.C. formula to turn up your love vibe online. Life with a special person is full of magic. Remember that behind every dating profile is a real live human who is seeking love just like you—bring compassion to the whole experience and it will come back to you. If you have that desire to share your life with someone, don’t let anything get in the way of your love story.