So your former flame wants a do-over in the love department? Don’t stress. Here are five clues to help you decide if they might be worth a second chance.
The reasons people come together are sometimes profound and varied—from creating a family together to getting each other through a hard time, or even resolving karmic conflicts. I’ve always been of the mind that everyone deserves a second chance if they have learned and changed from their mistakes. Learning from your mistake means that you acknowledge it and are willing to take responsibility for yourself.
Changing from your mistake is vital. It means you’ve worked to think, feel, and conduct yourself differently. Even so, it doesn’t always mean your partnership should continue.
I’d like to place a disclaimer here: this is my opinion on the matter; not my advice. When it comes to second chances, the choice is yours and yours alone. Others cannot possibly know or understand all of the variables of your deep and abiding goals in your partnership. Just you.
But here are a few things I’ve learned and the five reasons that your love might be worth a second chance.
If your partner left the relationship, there is a reason they did. Whether or not they are honest about it, they may want to come back for multiple reasons. It’s my experience that additional time will only bring them back to their original conclusion in a more honest way.
Karmic relationships usually start out strong and passionate and may stop exactly the same way…several times. If this is where you find yourself, your goal is to find peace, kindness, or at the very least neutrality by doing what you most need, for yourself. This allows the relationship to form in a new and strengthening manner. Finally, everyone deserves love, but sometimes it’s best to love from afar. Some folks just can’t manage being together. Accepting that may be the very reason you came together in the first place.
Considering these bits of information. Here are five great reasons to give your love a second chance.
Because they really want it.
Mutual desire for a relationship is essential for longevity. Oftentimes people break up because they don’t feel acknowledged, appreciated, or valued. If this fits your situation: communication is your remedy. But before you say yes, make sure both of you have spent time reflecting and communicating to each other what you need. And, whatever you do, don’t say it for them. Sometimes it’s excruciating to confess the deepest parts of your heart, but a second chance requires it.
Because they are honest.
Honesty is a must—honesty to yourself and then your ability to communicate it to others. If your partner has this, they’re a keeper. Everything else in a relationship is negotiated and will take time and compromise. Honesty can take a lifetime to cultivate. So give it the respect it deserves and reconsider your love.
Because they do what they say.
Finding a partner with follow through is the aphrodisiac to strong, intimate love. It means your partner shows love and respect to your needs, but most likely needs to receive it in kind. Some folks don’t feel comfortable emotionally or sexually until they feel safe with their environmental needs being met in the relationship. Emotional intimacy is cultivated through kindness and longevity, so if you’re not a jerk, rest assured… your partner will come around. If they are able to commit to following through with things, they are worth the extra time it takes to cultivate intimacy.
Because they have the same values you do.
Remember when your mom told you how important it is to have the same values as your partner and you brushed it off as being not as important as love? Well, if a long-term partnership is your goal, shared values are where it’s at. Love is cultivated, but values are given. They come from your spirit or the way you were educated; and people just don’t change them as easily and quickly as they do who they love. It may seem counterintuitive, but understand for a person to change their values—especially late in the game—it requires they betray themselves and very possibly their friends, family, and culture of a lifetime of beliefs. Just to be with you. Desire to do that is one thing, but facilitating and confronting it is another. So if you find someone with whom you share core beliefs, they’re a keeper.
Because they can live without you, but they don’t want to.
Trust me, you want a partner whose every move doesn’t depend on you. If you find a partner who wants you but can survive alone, they are worthy of your true consideration. I find that sometimes new relationships don‘t continue because a partner doesn’t feel like they are loved and needed, even when the partner says over and over that it’s true. Unless there are other reasons to discount this person, maybe the issue is more about trust than it is the feelings. Again, people express their most heartfelt emotions the safer they feel. If you think they’re worth it, it’s worth the wait.
No matter your circumstance, love and kindness are the ultimate goal. Loving yourself and treating everyone kindly. Let yourself create a relationship with the partner who makes this easy for you.