Ditch the soulmate list? What blasphemy is this? Easy lovebirds, Elliott Bailey returns with some outside-the-box advice that just might make you go hmmm..
After emotionally investing in a few failed relationships, it’s easy to start having a game plan — AKA ‘The List.’ This ominous, analytical, ‘Top 10’ gets touted as the cure all for soulmate selection.
The downside is they only work for machines!
Don’t get me wrong, investing some quality think-time into how you’re going to approach dating in your next relationship does have real value. It’s just focusing on The List means you’re more likely to miss what’s really important when finding your soulmate. Here are the top three blind spots the Soulmate List causes.
#3 You change. So will they. That’s how life works.
Let’s take a trip down memory lane:
- Think of yourself when you were 17 years old. You probably had an email like [email protected] Then you applied for a job…
- At 19 a fun date night was Jägerbombs till 5am. These days you’re after something a little more creative
- At 25 all you wanted was someone as passionate about ‘The Cause’ as you.
- At 27 wondered how you hadn’t found [your latest interest] years ago
And so on…
You’re going to keep growing and developing in life. That’s why you’re on MeetMindful! While this attitude is fantastic, it means if you actually find that person on your soulmate list, you may only be compatible right now. Who knows who you’ll be in a years time.
The bottom line is you’re not puzzle pieces. You’re going to need to put effort into any relationship and both be prepared to change. A lot!
#2 Friends and Foes often have the same resume.
Imagine you wrote a list of your top 10 friends as well as the top 10 people you make you feel like fingernails on a chalk board. If you were to write down the main character traits for each person you would notice that both groups would share many of the same details.
- Does a stable job guarantee someone is a friend?
- Are all your friends fit and healthy?
- Do any of them like the same music, food, cultures, hobbies, etc?
- Does ‘Opposites attract’ or ‘Birds of a feather flock together’ apply to either group?
The reality is life’s organic and we intertwine in messy but awesome ways. These intricate facets of relationships simply don’t fit into 10 bulleted points.
Personally, I like life this way—it makes it more exciting!
#1 Reason : You might not like them anyway!
Even if you find that one person who ticks all the boxes there may be zero spark! Like none at all… This actually happened to me; she had all 10 of the characteristics on my List and was a really nice person, but there was no connection from either of us. I tried to get a relationship going given the ‘Analytics’ said we had a high compatibility chance however there was no emotional story.
It’s that emotional story, that connection, which intertwines your souls for the long term; and it has a lot more to do with how often you smile together, having the capacity to sit in a car for 3 hours and love it, and the ability at peace eating breakfast at the same table every morning.
The better option:
There’s a better game plan that helps you avoid the pitfalls you’ve learned along the way while still allowing your soul to feel. It’s easy—have a simple Blacklist.
A Blacklist contains the things you would never go for under any circumstances.
- Doesn’t exercise
- Gets angry and (*gasp*) violent easily
- Hates kids
- Doesn’t treat their family well
- Here are a few more
These deal breakers are the character traits that you’ve learned definitely won’t work for you. It’s a visual reminder that helps you see clearly through the rose coloured glasses next time you find the possible Mr/Mrs Right.
Or you can just find your inner mojo…
Or you can chuck the Blacklist out as well since it’s mostly gut level reactions that you’re probably already avoiding. Just take 15 minutes next time you’re by yourself, meditating or praying to think about what you want to avoid.
This way you’ll have a gut vibe game plan to help with decision making without missing the beautiful mess that makes us human!
[image: via shutterstock]
About the Author
Elliott Bailey: Elliott dreams up fun date nights to unwind with his wife Amanda. Given it takes him two years to grow a beard, there’s plenty of time to write them down @ FightForHer.com. Be a champ and give one a go!