Sometimes we have to ask ourselves the difficult, I’d-rather-not-go-there, probing questions. Don’t worry. Allana Pratt will light the way.
Question: My boyfriend is verbally abusive but apologizes the next day, should I leave or give him an ultimatum?
Answer: I am sorry this is happening. I’d like to ask you a series of questions to help guide your most healthy life and choices.
1. Why did you create this?
Why were you attracted to him? This could shed light on someone unconscious you’re drawn to that reminds you of how you grew up. Quite often when we watch parents, family or society behave in a certain way, even if it’s unhealthy, we gravitate toward that, even feel attraction toward that which is familiar. The possibility here is that you become of aware of the program running behind the scenes, forgive it, and change it into something healthy.
2. Why have you allowed this?
Often we put up with unkindness because we are afraid, afraid of being alone, afraid of our partner’s anger, afraid we don’t deserve better. When you look, is there any fear that is keeping you from creating something better between you two?
3. Leave him/break up or give him an ultimatum?
I would do neither quite yet. First I would communicate with kindness and honesty. Use the ‘sandwich’ so that you don’t put him on the defensive and you choose to connect with honor… which gets the best results.
a. Something positive: Honey, I want us to grow even closer than we are.
b. What you’d like to change: Sometimes the way you speak to me hurts. Would you be willing to work on this with me?
c. Something positive: I’m looking forward to an even more loving future with you.
If this is done with sincerity and he still blows up, then to me this says he’s not willing to work on issues with you and it’s time to bless and release him, do your inner work so you attract someone kind and willing to grow.
I hope that given you’re not making him wrong, that he’ll be able to own that “You’re right honey, sometimes I do get heated. It reminds me of my mom/dad and I can see it’s something I need to work on.” Perhaps there might be something you’re doing that’s triggering him that you could work on too. Then you’ll both grow stronger because of this intimate honest conversation.
Ladies, a great way to grow in this area is to listen to my weekly radio show at IntimateConversationsLIVE.
Men, a great way to grow in this area is to download my complementary report and video series for men at GetHerToSayYes.com that cures the nice guy, heals the heart and awakens your badass nobility.
Lastly, as friends of MeetMindful, you may want private attention to heal a destructive pattern that keeps showing up in relationships. Go to AllanaPratt.com/
Huge unbridled love, Allana xoox
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