You tell your best friend everything, even when you think they’re dating the wrong person… right? Slow your role, Dear. Let’s take a closer look, instead.
What do you do when you don’t like your friends partner?
Relationships and personalities are a balance no matter which direction you’re coming from. You’ve probably learned this by now: Life isn’t fair, but it will be even. Not everyone will like you, but some will adore you beyond words. And, there truly is a reason for everything; when and if you don’t like someone, somewhere in your spirit you have a deeper connection to whatever it is you don’t like.
So, when it comes to making friends with, connecting to, or tolerating your friends mate: It’s a balance like any other relationship.
It’s not uncommon to feel jealous or protective when your friend has a new alliance. But be weary. Your feelings are your responsibility, as is your intuition, and your actions. Your friend’s choices are theirs alone. Here is some advice that will carry you through any tough decision that may be on the horizon.
What if they make you feel uncomfortable?
If your friends partner makes you feel uncomfortable it’s important to ask yourself why? Do they trigger you about an issue you have? Or are you recognizing, on an energy level, abusive or selfish tendencies? Maybe you know they are cheating or they’ve approached you in some way?
Whatever the case: saying something is a commitment and can cost you the relationship.
If you find, with further reflection, your discomfort is generated from an issue that you have, this may not be time or place to work it out. However, if you find that the person in question, indeed is questionable, it may be important enough to risk your relationship over.
If he/she is cheating:
Say, to your friend, “Hey, if you were being cheated on, would you want to know?”
If he/she is abusive or creating isolation for your friend:
Say, “I care for you, and the things I see your lover doing? I feel they are hurting you, and here they are: listing each one as you see them. If you believe your friend is in danger: Say something.
If he/she is a criminal:
There is a difference between a person who hasn’t yet learned how to do things in a righteous way and a person who has criminal tendencies. A criminal lacks empathy and doesn’t care about the impact he/she has on other people.
A growing and expanding human being may not believe or know they have a choice as to how they can achieve their goals—at no expense to others. These folks have empathy and through it will learn to modify their choices based on the impact it has on others as well as the results they achieve.
What if you can see into the future?
Yes, this is always a tough one. You meet your friend’s lover and you don’t see any future for them. You. Just. Don’t. See. It.
Remember this: It’s none of your business. What’s important for you and what’s valuable to your friend may be completely different. Your friend has chosen their lover for a reason, even if it’s not obvious to you.
Be careful here: I’ve seen friendships end over: “I just don’t see you two together long-term.”
Don’t fret: If the real problem for you is being witness to your friends suffering in some way, you are free not to do so.
What if you flat-out don’t like them?
If you love your friend but don’t care for their lover, try to find common ground. Oftentimes we don’t like others when we don’t feel comfortable to be ourselves or we change who we are in front of them. Work on that.
Be yourself. Be kind, and the common ground will emerge. Remember the adage: water seeks its own level? If you’re connected to them on any level, there is something that is resonant.
What if you like them a little too much?
Oops! You find yourself attracted to your friend’s lover and what’s worse, they’re flirting back? This is where you may want to use destiny as an excuse. Don’t. Maybe you are feeling this undying eternal love connection to your friend’s lover… if that’s the case, it can wait. You’ve got an eternity.
Sometimes we have soulmate relationships in which the circumstances are meant to teach the difference between love and attraction. The deep soul love you may feel for your friend’s mate may be the very teacher you need to learn respect, honor, and unconditional love for another or yourself. And trust me, those are hard-won lessons that activate the deepest personal power you have.
Let me put a bow on this and wrap it up for you. Unless there is a circumstance that can promote physical harm, your friends mate is not your business.
Tread lightly on their desire for your opinion, and be willing to witness their journey with an open heart. When you master your self and recognize that the true source of your power is unconditional love, you’ll no longer focus on the injustices in life, but the fulfillment that comes from its continual bounty.