Fear can do funny things, especially in the realm of intimate relationships. If you’re asking yourself “why am I afraid of commitment?” this one’s for you.
People are interesting creatures. Some would jump at the opportunity to be in a relationship, while others take a lot longer to commit. However, when it comes to genuine commitment, there is so much more than meets the eye.
Some couples throw away what they have religiously built and invested in for months rather than find a way to compromise their differences. Apart from this, there are other reasons that may be holding someone (even you!) back from entirely committing.
1. They’re not ready for the next step.
Many individuals hear warning bells when they hear the word “commitment.” At times, people think way too far ahead when the topic springs up; they attach several meanings to the word like “joint accounts,” “marriage,” “kids,” etc. For some, this is too much to take in and they would rather avoid committing altogether.
2. They enjoy the chase.
Some people like the thrill of the chase—the illusion of being heavily wanted and sought after. Unfortunately, there is not much you can do to dissuade an individual who still relishes the boundless attention they get from the admirers.
3. There’s someone else.
It is a painful reality, but some people may just be stringing a partner along because there is someone else in their lives—an active partner or someone they’d like to hold out for, in hopes of connecting. Not surprisingly, this someone may have hard time committing when they already have their heart and eyes set on someone else.
4. They’re focused on their own priorities.
Priorities differ for everyone and for some individuals, careers, hobbies, or some other part of their lives come first. Building a strong and solid relationship takes a lot of work, time, and effort. Take this as a good thing, though, as it’s far-better to be rejected and/or uncommitted than to be in a relationship you or your partner doesn’t have the presence of mind to be in.
5. There is too much going on in their lives.
Perhaps there’s just a lot on their plate; they simply cannot have an existing and functional relationship without adding drama to the mix. Relationships are supposed to be about building each other up and supporting each other, but if someone is already dealing with too much emotional baggage, it can be difficult for them to give a committed relationships a fair go.
6. They prioritize freedom over everything else.
Though it comes in varying degrees and is different for every relationship, freedom in a relationship is stifled. This comes in many forms, but for someone unprepared (or unwilling) to sacrifice their personal independence, a committed relationship may feel oppressive.
7. They have secrets.
Being in a committed relationship means you are willing to be vulnerable. In essence, being vulnerable is about being open to someone wholly. For some, this is an immense gamble to take, especially for people with fears about opening themselves up. These individuals may prefer to keep at partner at bay, where it seems “safe,” than have someone invade their personal space.
8. They’re afraid of rejection.
Rejection stings, plain and simple; so if a person has had a bad experience in the past, they are not likely to warm up to the idea of a committed relationship without some reservations.
9. They see commitment as an obligation.
Being truly committed takes work. And unfortunately for some—especially those who are still enjoying their single status—relationships connote a certain responsibility they may not want to obligate themselves to.
10. They aren’t financially capable.
Genuine commitment means you are no longer thinking for just yourself. You have yourself and your spouse/partner/lover to consider when making decisions—what is yours is mine and what is mine is yours. Unfortunately, some find the prospect of sharing their hard earned money too daunting or too unrealistic with where they are in their financial stories—thus, making commitment seem equally unrealistic.
11. They have a traumatic past.
Some individuals have traipsed on that road before and got burned and hurt so bad. It may have turned them into cynics or unwilling to reconsider commitment with someone. For these people, it takes time to heal, something no one can force them into. It would also take the right kind of person to melt the ice they have surrounded their hearts in or coax them out of their past trauma.
12. They’re just not into you.
It hurts, but it may be the simplest, most accurate reality. There is no fault or blame in these situations, some individuals are in search of something “else” and you may not possess it. Do not take it personally, though, move on and look for someone who appreciates you for the amazing person you are.
Genuine commitment does not occur in a day, it happens every single day when you are consciously choosing to be with your partner. This is why it can be rather hard for some people to openly commit; and, while this may sting regardless of which side of the relationship you’re on, think of these realizations as a welcome opportunity to grow and evolve—ultimately leading you to the perfect-for-you person who’s out in the universe waiting.
About the Author
Abbeygail is a freelance writer and blogger for Hizon’s. It is a catering company that offers manila catering services to any type of events. Abbeygail also loves to travel with her love ones and try different kinds of food here in the Philippines.