in: Dating & Relationships

6 Reasons to Cheat

Guest Contributor

We can find lessons in the most unlikely places if we know how to look. With this logic, infidelity can be a stellar teacher. Here are six reasons to cheat.


—This article was originally published by our friends at elephant journal; we’re republishing (with permission!) because we love it… and them. Enjoy.— 

On the front steps of my brownstone in Brooklyn, our extreme hug lingered as if we were making love right there on my stoop. I was intoxicated in Todd’s arms and, in the coming weeks, was punch-drunk with late-night sexting, ravenous goodbye kisses, and eventually an afternoon delight in my antique bed with a fervor that broke the wood slats below.

I loved my boyfriend endlessly…Todd, was not my boyfriend.

Now, before the hate mail starts rolling in, I don’t condone cheating or wish the inevitable sh*t show on anyone. That aside, it happens—a lot. Most of us have been on one side or the other at least once. Even some of the most loving couples we know experience it (ahem, Bey and Jay… we’re looking at you).

When my dalliance was discovered, what transpired was a heartache that led me to the safe side of suicidal thoughts.

I was a yoga teacher with a loving community and didn’t identify with such scumbag detestable behavior.

Yet, I committed these heinous acts.

We can continue to obtusely demonize those who have cheated or we can learn from them—before or after we have experienced it ourselves. Having been on both sides of this torrid equation, it’s not always cut and dry.

The real kicker is the growth that can come out of these experiences can be exactly the hard medicine we need. Nothing happens in a vacuum and cheating is no exception. I mean Todd was hot, but I’m a 34 year old traveling yogi, I’ve had a lot of hot in my day. My infidelities uncovered a deeper chasm in my self-worth—faulty patterns that weren’t aligned with the kind of life I wanted.

In a sort of backward spiritual sense, I actually needed to cheat to uncover these gapping potholes in my character and fill myself up with or without a boyfriend or a side piece.

So, like any green juice-drinking urban bohemian, I was determined to be the Phoenix—changing my scandalous ways and rising to come out upgraded, on the other side. Once the atomic bomb of spewed expletives, angry emails and possessions being thrown out windows had settled, I was able to start the healing.

So my trifling tartlets, here are six steps leading you toward being better, smarter, and more ready for an honest loving relationship in the future:

1. Cultivate Compassion.

That doesn’t mean just brush off your shoulders and keep truckin’ down that road Siren, but it does mean you have to forgive yourself. You may be labeled a narcissist, a succubus, an energy vampire—and it may be true, but you did the best you could at the time. Now, you need to let go of the guilt in order to move on. Try a mantra like “I am loved, I am lovable, I am capable of love.” When I started this I was so ashamed and heart-broken I couldn’t say the words out loud so I just mouthed it. That’s okay too, dear one.

 

 

Follow us to elephant journal to continue reading “6 Reasons to Cheat” and have a happy day.


About the Author

Anna Farkas is a contributor with elephant journal, yoga teacher, health coach and Brooklyn based life lover. She is on a beach in tropical weather whenever possible and can often be found on someones feet doing AcroYoga or making raw chocolate truffles. Anna has loved and lost a lot and shares her stories to bring humor and connection to those who continue to love bravely regardless of how many missteps they take.

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