in: Wellness

Using an Abundance Mentality for Stronger Relationships

Leslie Malchy

Do you focus on what’s present or what’s lacking? Do you meditate on blessings or hardships? It’s time to embrace an abundance mentality in life and love.


My “to do” list is starting anew this fall with inspirations and challenges that I rise to and live for. However, always looking forward with a focus on “what’s next” can sometimes leave us with a sense that we haven’t done anything, despite much evidence to the contrary.

We can end up believing that there is always more to do and that we haven’t done enough.

We feel inadequate.

When we have a scarcity mentality toward our own sense of accomplishment, our well-being suffers. It is important to have goals, but if we are always onto the next thing, we may start to feel insufficient. To counter this, we need to recognize and appreciate what we have already done. We have to bring into focus the challenges we have already overcome, the progress we have made and keep making. We need to unearth a sense of abundance that we have already created in our lives so far.

This is true in our relationships also.

If we are always focused on the next step: dating, moving in together, getting married, buying a house, having a child (in whatever order suits you), we tend to forget what we have and where we have already come from together.

Oftentimes in relationships, one partner has an attitude of abundance and the other, an attitude of scarcity. Conflict arises when this shows up in multiple arenas of the relationship. One partner ends up feeling like they are “never going to be enough” for the other.

Make your scarcity mentality scarce.

Try making a “have done” list with your partner the next time you begin to feel overwhelmed with relationship goals or with a sense that “something is missing” in your relationship. List all of the events you have done together that week or month, the chores or activities you completed with one another. Reflect on the difficult times, the conflicts or challenges that you faced together and think about what you did well. Then think about what your partner did well.

Count out how much time you spent together, the number of times you laughed together, the money have saved up that month towards future goals, or whatever outcome that is important for your relationship. Calculate and measure your successes that you already have. Even when they may be small or only partially a success, these count too.

When you notice what you have already done, it can make it easier or more encouraging to keep creating the vision of what you want for your relationship. Our lives are made up of little moments that make up the larger moments and dreams of our relationships and our lives. Appreciate yourself for getting to where you already are. Tell your partner what you are proud of. This is one helpful pathway to encouraging a sense of abundance.

 

{image: via shutterstock]

About the Author:

Leslie Malchy Leslie Malchy

Leslie Malchy is a Relationship psychotherapist working in private practice, Soft Landing Therapy, in Downtown Vancouver, BC, Canada. She is an experiential therapist working from a bio-psycho-social-spiritual and strengths based framework of change. She holds a Master of Science degree in Psychiatry from McGill University and a Master of Arts in Clinical Psychology with a specialization in Marriage and Family Therapy from Antioch University Seattle. When Leslie is not working, she is busy writing creative and literary fiction, tending to and growing kale in her community garden plot or jogging along Vancouver’s gorgeous Stanley Park seawall.

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