in: Intentional Living

7 Ways to Stay Mindful (Even When Your Partner Isn’t)

Learning to live with anyone can be a challenge, but finding your mindful zone while living with an unmindful partner can test your patience like no other.


First and foremost, acceptance and peace in your life is the most important thing when dealing with an unmindful partner. Read on for seven ways to find in it in your relationship.

1. Find Awareness in Your Own Conflict

“Peace of mind is not the absence of conflict from life, but the ability to cope with it.” [1] —Unknown

Being in a state of mindfulness has allowed me to become more aware of my thoughts and find the inner peace I possess. But, it isn’t as though I live my life in a mindful bubble, I am. I forget that patience and mindfulness is a pathway to solving problems. I don’t live in a world where everyone lives thoughtfully, I live in a society where people are too busy, fighting to survive and surviving to fight, which causes me to sometimes forget, to lose my center. I get caught up in my environment and the world around me and wind up getting upset.

Solving problems within a relationship is the core of your life. The way you deal with problems at home transcends into your work and community life. Therefore, your life needs to be honest. So, what if you are dealing with an un-mindful partner, can things be fixed?

2. Take Responsibility

“Man is not a rational animal, he is a rationalizing animal.” —Robert A. Heinlein

There are so many excuses people make to avoid taking responsibility for their actions; but when you don’t take responsibility, you can’t learn from your actions. If this sounds vague, find a person you feel is often unthinking or vain—a person who lacks introspection. Notice just how many times they rationalize their actions.

But, we are all unmindful from time to time. We are all human; and as humans, we an element of growth throughout our lifetime. If we choose to, we can grow beyond our expectations and overcome even the self-imposed obstacles.

That could mean that an unmindful spouse or partner could be an effort you may wish to overcome—either by helping that person with patience, finding outside help, or by acceptance.

These steps are not always easy ones to take. There is work in the form of visualization and meditation—finding ways back to your own center. Once you can focus on these actions, things get easier.

3. Keep Frustration and Anger Away

“When you own your breath, nobody can steal your peace.” —Unknown

When you are angry or frustrated, your health may be affected. This frustration is not productive for your health. Some common side effects of these responses include: eating faster, gaining stress weight, blood sugar spikes, raised cholesterol and others.

Once again, meditation can be an incredible tool to help you combat these difficult feelings. Everybody who is alive breathes; but when you engage in controlled breathing, challenging circumstances lose much of their grip on the present moment.

4. Visualize Every Day

Another way to help your situation is to visualize your life as you wish it to be. Visualize your partner as a more centered balanced person. Imagine that your spouse has already overcome the obstacles. Now things will become more effortless because you were focusing only on the positives and not continually bickering about the negative.

5. Ignore Mindfully

“I don’t care how hard being together is, nothing is worse than being apart.” —Starcrossed by Josephine Angelini

What type of things can you ignore? What things do you have in your life that you don’t have to take so seriously? You can pick and choose your battles as the old cliché states.

When you pick and choose the battles you think are important, you’ll realize that there are some things we have to let go. And just when you thought I wasn’t going to mention meditation again, here goes: In meditation, we all know we have to let go, this helps us to not only cope with tragedies, losses and goodbyes, but it helps us to deal with everyday problems. We can see things not as problems, but as future solutions.

6. Turn Off the TV

Take the remote and hide it, don’t TIVO, Laptop or even Netflix it, turn it off. Your life will be simpler, and if there is an emergency, someone will come to get you. By unplugging in this (some would say) dramatic way, you eliminate the background noise that can interfere with being completely present with your partner. Prioritize the time to be available for your partner, to be present and engaged; you might find the un-mindful habits dissolve a bit, or don’t bother you all that much after all.

7. Embrace Before Bedtime

Learning to be mindful is important, so create and foster new habits. If you have been angry before bedtime, make sure that you feel love and peace before retiring for the night. Communicate your truth as best you can, but be sure to end the night with a proper, loving embrace. You don’t have to solve all the problems each evening; just be prepared to start fresh, from a place of love, in the morning. 

[image: via Nate Grigg on flickr]

About the Author:

Cynthia Fabian

Originally from New York City, Cynthia Fabian now enjoys meditation and the quiet life in Somerset, New Jersey. A general writer, Fabian has written for many regional publications, including NY Newsday. Fabian's first book, now being re-written was entitled, Those Sweet Nothings, a book about dates gone wrong. The book focused on how we can all change our perception of oneself and others. Fabian has also written several children's books that help children and their families overcome obstacles. Fabian has been featured on over 50 radio shows and several television shows regarding her dating book, but also for her help to help children overcome many obstacles in life.

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