in: Spirituality

Meditation: Find Yourself Before Your Other

Meditation can help decrease stress, release negative emotion, improve sleep and even increase immunity. Meditation, it turns out, can also help us love.

The goal of any relationship in our current climate of awareness and new beginnings calls for more self-care and self-love than ever before. Most couples enter into a partnership with the sole intent of somewhat traditional happiness and pleasure on all levels; but if the world spun in this dimension of non-reality, we would never experience growth or transformation within the couple-hooded norm.

When we run up against raw edges and other-worldly nuances with each other, as our personalities clash or mesh or transcend, the goal of any togetherness is to ascend into bliss together, to be of service to all of humanity. This takes knowing who you are, working with what you have on the inside to give to the outside. This also takes accepting all behaviors from past to present with an understanding that it begins with a silencing of the mind and a stillness in the heart.

In the practice of meditation, what we can discover and share is so mind-blowing that when we begin a partnership (or return to one, for that matter), we can bring our best selves, all of us, every flaw and imperfection and beautifulness to be with another human being. This is us doing what we are here to do. We must find out about ourselves before we can bring the purity to others.

Being vulnerable is the hot topic right now, and rightly so. Everything we have stuffed down for years, with an inability to unearth ourselves in a deep capacity, is rising and shining and glowing. It is uncanny and awesome at the same time. When we invest the moments to listen to our own hearts, we can locate more that was lodged in places we never knew was there. We no longer need to accept a “you are crazy and be realistic” mindset. If who we are is as real as it gets—and meditation was the vehicle to the discovery—nothing else matters, except a loving self. Period.

The possibilities are endless in love.

Let’s speak about the reasons behind a meditation and how it can be so unique to our core selves. It took me years to come to a place of quiet in my mind, and I am continuing to learn what is hidden, how to unravel the distractions that want to plague my brain and thoughts, and explore the feelings that come up with each time that I sit.

But I don’t always sit. I walk and meditate in nature as well. Just listening to the peaceful sounds causes my gaze to shift and center and align with that moment. A butterfly gracefully gliding from one flower to the next, two small spotted baby deer ambling along with mama deer in the woods, mockingbirds singing their songs from the wires high above, this is all part of the morning nature meditation walks.

When I sit, it is usually a straddled stretch position, as this feels better on my knees and legs overall. I don’t have the perfect pillow or perfect seated position. Meditation doesn’t call for perfection. It can be engaged in anywhere. Let your glorious imagination run wild and free! If we were to put pressure on ourselves to have everything in place at just the right moment, we might miss out on some very wonderful possibilities that a meditation practice might offer. We can chant. We can breathe in harmonic ways. We can have eyes open or eyes closed. We can have music or not. We can have lots of light or soft darkness calming our senses. There is no one way to have a meditation practice. The essence of your serenity is just that, finding your pulsating heart and what it needs, where it leads, and who is able to share in the synchronicity of your soul. 

When you allow yourself the means to authentically get into loving yourself, there is no way you cannot attract that same level of peace and sameness into your life. You can be total opposites in how you live your life to the outside world, but your intrinsic values and your love and your laughter will only magnify when you set aside quality time each day to get to know the real you.

Meditation is a facilitator in this process. It alleviates anxiety, stress, panic, depression and foggy brains to create enough clarity for the body to ebb and flow effortlessly. It takes patience and practice, just as any discipline. You cannot rush it. Sinking into a meditation for the sole purpose of attracting your mate is ill-intended. You must focus on your own manifests and desires. It is not a selfish act at all. It is a loving act. It is an act of caring enough for your life to show up and be aware of possibilities, using your imagination to bring about the real you. Meditation time is inspiration time.

Here are some simple strategies to sink into the silence and be awesome:

Commit to your chosen and most appropriate time that resonates with your body.

Loosen up your facial muscles enough to allow the breath to grow and expand in your heart.

When the mind flits to outside thoughts notice those thoughts then release them with more breath.

Enliven the chakras with any essential oils to wake up the olfactory nerves—which in turn can ignite the tranquility in all seven chakras of the body.

Even amidst outside chaos, drop into your core with relaxed hands, hips, and shoulders—this is an entry to meditation and calmness. These are the areas that hold most of the tension.

Understand that outside-the-box-thinking will arouse a pure and healthy start to meditation. If you have confusion or worry or feelings of self-doubt, start with the simple methods. If it doesn’t work the first time, or even the ninth time, keep trying. Commit to it, and your intentions of attracting the ideal partner will be icing on the cake, mainly because you have taken the time to get to know you and how you walk in this world.

There is no room to mingle with a feeling of scariness. Your emotions are out there, and your heart is no longer protected. Meditation does that for you. It gives you the ultimate guarantee in our spirit realm that however you were born, and whoever you are now, is ready and willing and free from excuses of the very nature of magnificence.

And in the simple words of the almighty Buddha: Look within. Be still.

[image: via Moyan Brenn on flickr]

About the Author:

Gerry Ellen

Gerry Ellen is an author, creative storyteller, and wellness advocate. She enjoys sharing her experiences of life, love, and all things meaningful and healthy through words and images. She is a regular contributor to MeetMindful, Be You Media Group, Tattooed Buddha, and Rebelle Society. As a former featured columnist on elephant journal and Light Workers World, she considers her love of nature and the outdoors, heart-centered connections, friends and family, and traveling to explore and expand as the epicenter of her world. She is extremely driven with her service work through 8 Paws Wellness with her dog, Scout. Gerry Ellen has authored and published two books, Ripple Effects (March 2012) and A Big Piece of Driftwood (April 2014), which are both available on


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